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mondrianblue

Member Since 2003

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Friday Jan 14, 2005

Jan 14, 2005
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well im on a search for Liqun though i have to work so im probably not going to have it by monday. I was going to Kalamazoo today but i stopped at my dads on a gut feeling. Which worked out ok, he needed to cash a check and get groceries so i took him around. It was kind of humbling, he shops at SaveALot because its all he can afford. The food there is trash , he deserves better then that, anyone who has to shop there deserves better then that. My dad is Bipolar/Parnoid Schizophrenic and is always depressed, so having a full time job or anyjob for that matter is kind of out of the question because he relapses, and his medication is tricky. I want to get a good job so bad so i can help him out more, it makes me feel so bad that i cant visit him that often, Schizophrenics like to withdraw from society, and with his luck his fucking car no longer works so he doesnt have to get motivated to go anywhere because he cant. and since he is all along he gets depressed even more, adding to his BiPolar disorder, in my view anyway. im so sick of being poor i reallly am, not that i cant buy stuff i want, but i cant help the people i love, im fucking helpless.
My fucking mom doesnt have a full time taxable job, she cleans rich peoples houses for like 50 bucks a time, and she has like 3 people she goes to a week. shes always fucking depressed that she doesnt have money, and that i need to help her out more, i would love too. I have to pay for fucking School and im unfortuantly and Art Student who has to get fucking Art Shit which is expensive. And i have to fucking get gas to drive to school in my fucking peice of shit Car which doenst have a drunk because there is no lining in it, and the car has so much rust i can reach into the "trunk" from the out side of the car on the side, lol.
And i see these jackasses on there Cellphones and In there Cars there Parents got them. it pisses me off so much, because i have to fucking raise my parents. i have to do so much by myself and these fucks dont appreicate any fucking thing they are given. i swear sometimes i think im BiPolar because im always depressed though when i look at the circumstances i cant not find an accepiable reason to be depressed, because my fucking life is depressing. sometimes i get my hopes up, then they are fucking crushed every fucking time, though im not totally depressed to not get my hopes up , though i wish i was, that way the dissapointment wouldnt be so bad. Is that a sign of BiPolar?
anyone know?
I got paid yesterday, lol and im broke, gave 50 to the dentist, my bill is 200. have to give my mom money, have to get some groceries so my brother, mother and i can eat. have to find that shit for Oil Painting too.
well everyone have a good weekend.

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