mondrianblue

i keep running into alex its strange just when shes out of my mind and thoughts i run into her, its like clockwork, a devine power is trying to tell me something. she is perfect, yet very flawed but the flaws can be cute at times. she hurts with out realizing she does. a naive angel with a handgun in a jittery hand. it pisses me off , i dont know if she likes me or doesnt, if she just wants to fuck with my mind or just wants to hang out with me again. she parked by my car at work and walked through my dept. and i almost ran her over walking out of the break room where we started talking for a little while. she said she was tired and i was like yeah im tired too, she asked why i was tired, and i told her about how i had a couple of friends over, and she went "friends, i dont seem to have any of those anymore" she broke my heart when she said that, i just wanted to squeeze her, yet if she hadnt fucked me over id still hang out with her constantly. to this i replied "yeah ive been going through the same thing lately, there are times when i dont have friends at all" she then held out her hand and tilted her head to the side and said "no hard feelings?" and we shook, then i said for god knows what reason "you can call me anytime" and she just smiled, and i walked off to work. so that conversation bugged me for the rest of the time i was at work. i was spacing out bad, mostly because i was tired, and confused because of that encounter. so when i went home at 7 i run into her again, and shes all smiles, and asks me to walk with her, she wanted to get a joystick game in toys and some lip gloss, the games they had were shitty so we looked at lip gloss for a while talking. and i for god knows what reason ask her if she would like to do something for lunch , because i do feel bad for like totally ignoring her and not acknowledging her existance for a while there. im really sorry that this is all i write about , but its all that really goes on in my boring life. anyway when we are walking in cosmetics she says "i parked by your car today" and i replied "why?" " i was just trying to get your attention", and i was like "are you stalking me now? lol" "no, if i was stalking you id follow you home and look in your windows" my reply to that "you can stalk me anytime, feel free to follow me home, just dont peek in the windows thats kinda creepy" she smiled saying "weirdo" though talking to her didnt make me feel anymore uncomfortable. and i had her out of my mind for a while so that she ment absolutely nothing to me, but now because of events of today im drawn to her again, she seems so perfect, yet i know shes not, shes perfect for me here because she the only girl like her around here. she loves music, movies, comics, conversation. shes a bombshell of a girl in the looks department, and when i see her i just wanna hug her. im fucked either way, lol i cant win at all, and then getting to the lessions a higher being intends for me to learn, could it be that i should be able to see through the illusion of perfection? because she is perfection in my eyes. im under a spell it seems, i really really want to know what all of this means. if it ment nothing it wouldnt be so alluring, it has to have some meaning, untill i find it, ill just remain confused.

in other news Hedeen, Scott, Rob and my self hung out last night bored and watched Kill Bill again, then decided to do an Orential Adventures Campiagen in DnD. which i havent played since 11th grade. so we were just around the kitchen table bullshitting the whole night it was fun. they want to go together and get a Laido Technique book and some practice swords and start learning some shit, oh yeah we can impress the ladies with that, lol
I talked with BGIMM last night too, i think i might be falling for her, but that happens to everyone who talks to the lovely girl. hehe

haha, in my obsession with david Carradine ive been watching my season one of Kung Fu, and it has some awesome quotes which could help me with my Alexx situation, here what do you think?

KCC: My thoughts are of a girl I saw in the marketplace. She as very pretty. She sought my friendship. And then when she had it, she did not want it. Master, why can the female not be direct and open as the man can?
Poe: Is it not better that the female act as a female?
KCC: She seeks only to confuse. The truth is not within her.
Poe: Perhaps you only fail to perceive it.
KCC: I do not know that I wish to perceive it
Poe: (Pointing to a coal fire) What is it that makes the heat? The coal or the flame?
KCC: The coal. The heat is within the coal.
Poe: What if the coal is not touched be the flame?
KCC: The heat is not felt.
Poe: Are not male and female, coal and flame? If the coal does not seek to know the flame, can either fulfill their destiny?

and here is another one

Kan- "sometimes a stranges known to us for moments can spark our souls to kinship for enernity."
Caine- "how can strangers take on such importance to our souls?"
Kan- "because our soul does not keep time it merely records growth"

Ok well that seems to be it for todays entry. everyone take it easy.