My head buzzes awake, I'd fallen asleep on my phone. The dollface girl. Next, she knocks on my door. I scramble my tired ass bones down the ladder and pretend to be chirpy. I'm not convinced I am fooling anyone, but it's great to see her and time is of the essence. We went dancing. Me, freezing in a full-fetish near-nakedness. Her, pvc blowing in the gales, accidentally mooning the whole of London town. It's a good night; we laugh, share our common ground of which there is much, talk to naked men, people-watch and see friends.
Sexually charged, my recent life; complimentary entry to classy strip bars with free champagne, fooling about with friends in Torture Garden's dungeon, a private show due to the joys of webcam, receiver of suggestive emails; all for a girl with her heart and body under lock and key. I maintain a healthy distance, remaining a voyeur of their heady worlds, distance healthy for my delicate disposition. Years of mistrust and anger currently bubble at my surface and I am conscious of it. I worry that, if I slide above you, grinding, looking into your eyes, as my hands lock around your throat, I will squeeze just that little too hard. My version of a crush. I'm not one for making someone else pay the price of their predecessors, each person is anew and I keep that in mind until I can treat you, whoever you are, as such.
Maybe it's my awareness of previous Februarys doom, maybe it's just real, but time spent licking my wounds proves positive. It doesn't creep up on me, the impending self-destruction, I turn and face it ready and it cowers into the corner. I never take my eye off the prize and it hunches there, my annual low, I'm staring it down. Limbo time, positive, my progress, learn and trade, attempting to pay off some debts and it works a little, but mostly it just doesn't add to the issue of debt as my social life blows up. I think I have free time again in May, just for a few weeks until festival season kicks in. Of all the interesting moments that face me, I long most for relaxing with my family, my Dad, the man who calls me his soulsaver
, it cannot happen soon enough. For them, I feel absolute truth and real love.
Live it like you love it.
Sexually charged, my recent life; complimentary entry to classy strip bars with free champagne, fooling about with friends in Torture Garden's dungeon, a private show due to the joys of webcam, receiver of suggestive emails; all for a girl with her heart and body under lock and key. I maintain a healthy distance, remaining a voyeur of their heady worlds, distance healthy for my delicate disposition. Years of mistrust and anger currently bubble at my surface and I am conscious of it. I worry that, if I slide above you, grinding, looking into your eyes, as my hands lock around your throat, I will squeeze just that little too hard. My version of a crush. I'm not one for making someone else pay the price of their predecessors, each person is anew and I keep that in mind until I can treat you, whoever you are, as such.
Maybe it's my awareness of previous Februarys doom, maybe it's just real, but time spent licking my wounds proves positive. It doesn't creep up on me, the impending self-destruction, I turn and face it ready and it cowers into the corner. I never take my eye off the prize and it hunches there, my annual low, I'm staring it down. Limbo time, positive, my progress, learn and trade, attempting to pay off some debts and it works a little, but mostly it just doesn't add to the issue of debt as my social life blows up. I think I have free time again in May, just for a few weeks until festival season kicks in. Of all the interesting moments that face me, I long most for relaxing with my family, my Dad, the man who calls me his soulsaver
, it cannot happen soon enough. For them, I feel absolute truth and real love.
Live it like you love it.