Yesterday morning before I went to sleep I watched Fight Club yet again. I figured it'd help remind me that hitting bottom can be quite a positive thing. I've been on the bottom for the better part of the last 2 years, but hey, I guess you'll have that. I'd rather be on the bottom for a good part of my life. It makes the highs seem all the more extravagant. I pity people who can't know what true happiness is because they've never felt true sorrow.
It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything.
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Last night was my last night of work. As the closing time grew nearer, it became evident that two of the girls my roomy Emo and I work with, were planning something for our going away. I've been flirting with this hippie chick (I know, I know) for a very long time, but never really made any real headway untill recently. (She's the one that turned goth for me a while ago and I didn't get to be with.) We're actually going to go out on a date sometime soon, but sadly it's not going to be one of those "lets form a relationship" dates, but more like the "I'm a free spirit or some shit, lets have a nice fling." At this point in my life, having our time together and saying goodbye is a lot better than nothing, so I'll take it.
Anyway, she shows up at my house this morning before school (yes, high school, and YES, she's *18*) and brings me a beautiful red rose. This is quite easily the sweetest thing that's been done for me in a very long time. I am a firm believer in the phrase "It's the thought that counts." I guess I'm just overwhelmed that someone is actually thinking about me. After feeling like nothing could go right, all the sudden something sweet happens, making me feel cared for, even it's not being loved. It's defnately something I wanted at this point in my life. Positive reinforcement from an outside individual. You can love yourself all you want, but it always feels great when someone else shows that they care about you too.
I had some very interesting job related news last night as well, but I'm going to wait untill I see how that all turns out before posting anything too intense about it. I'll just say that I *might* be going from the guy who got his nuts crushed to the one doing the crushing.
Hard to believe..... a journal entry that's not pessimistic and filled with despair and letdown.
It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything.
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Last night was my last night of work. As the closing time grew nearer, it became evident that two of the girls my roomy Emo and I work with, were planning something for our going away. I've been flirting with this hippie chick (I know, I know) for a very long time, but never really made any real headway untill recently. (She's the one that turned goth for me a while ago and I didn't get to be with.) We're actually going to go out on a date sometime soon, but sadly it's not going to be one of those "lets form a relationship" dates, but more like the "I'm a free spirit or some shit, lets have a nice fling." At this point in my life, having our time together and saying goodbye is a lot better than nothing, so I'll take it.
Anyway, she shows up at my house this morning before school (yes, high school, and YES, she's *18*) and brings me a beautiful red rose. This is quite easily the sweetest thing that's been done for me in a very long time. I am a firm believer in the phrase "It's the thought that counts." I guess I'm just overwhelmed that someone is actually thinking about me. After feeling like nothing could go right, all the sudden something sweet happens, making me feel cared for, even it's not being loved. It's defnately something I wanted at this point in my life. Positive reinforcement from an outside individual. You can love yourself all you want, but it always feels great when someone else shows that they care about you too.
I had some very interesting job related news last night as well, but I'm going to wait untill I see how that all turns out before posting anything too intense about it. I'll just say that I *might* be going from the guy who got his nuts crushed to the one doing the crushing.
Hard to believe..... a journal entry that's not pessimistic and filled with despair and letdown.
Especially the poverty one you just brought up.