Thursday Apr 02, 2009

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I swear I need a break from everything in my life before I go completely insane. There has been way too much going on for me to deal with. I just need to be able to disconnect myself like I used to. To have no feelings about anyone or anything would be a godsend right about now. I just don't know how much longer I can keep everything together before I have a breakdown that I can't recover from.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

I guess I should explain a little bit. I haven't said anything to anyone about things that have been going on, but they aren't good. In recent weeks, I have lost 2 people I was close to that were about my age. One of the people who helped keep me on the straight and narrow passed away. For those who care, I am a recovering addict. As a teenager I was hard into drugs, and did a 6 month stint in juvie because of drugs. The man who passed away helped keep me off of drugs after I got out. The other person who has passed away recently was my step-sister. She had been battling pancreatic cancer for the last couple of years. I know that it means she isn't suffering anymore, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Combined, they make me wanna shut down my emotions so I can't hurt anymore. So I no longer feel like I need something to get me through. I don't want to live my old life or mar the memory of the person who helped keep me clean for so many years. I just don't deal with death very well.
instarsia:
you are amazing...thank you for your comment on my set!!!! < 3<3
punknitemike:
just gotta take the tough times in stride man, deal with them best you can. it isn't easy but you got friends who you can talk to or go out with to get your mind off things. you know where to find us man!

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