modkitten

i just went to a christmas eve party with my boyfriend and a bunch of his relatives...since i was a kid, ive always wanted at least something resembling a "normal" holiday experience; something that looked like every holiday movie i'd ever seen...christmas tree, decorating, dinner, party- whatever. and since i can remember, i always ran around in a flurry doing my best to try and make it like that, or at least try and make it different than other days. i wish my parents had at least pretended that santa was real, and let me have that special excitement of waking up to a tree with the presents santa brought. ii never had that; if i got any gifts, they were ones i picked out for myself- or money. i havent been home yet (still at my place in the city), but i called my parents before- no tree, no gifts, decorations or anything distinguishing it from every other day. then i relaized that, its usually like that, but i sometimes convince my dad to get a small tree (which only i decorate) and then i put a few small presents under the tree- just to feel like its "the holidays". since i havent been home, i guess they didnt care.
but my boyfriend's family gets together and has a party, does all the cheesy things i always hoped my family would do, they even give me presents. i appreciate that so incredibly much, but i cant help being a little sad and wonder why it seems like other families show more care and kindness to me than my own...
ok, i hope everyone wakes up to hot chocolate, a big tree and plenty of presents from santa (or whoever)- i have a tree at my place here, and i think some hot chocolate somewhere, and maybe i'll keep working on my photography and wrap something and put it under the tree- it will be good, it will be calm, it will be sparkly and it will be christmas.

have yummy happy holidays