What can I say? Dante's last night was an eye-opening disappointment. I was so excited to go see the Suicide Girls live and in person... These lovely and wonderful girls we all know from the website.
At least, we THINK we know.
I arrived, and there they were right across the room. Trying to be a nice guy, I went up and bought Missy a drink. She took one sip and claimed that the ratio of vodka to grapefruit juice was just "too happy hour" for her. She turned her back on me and handed the drink to a leggy transvestite that was doting upon her.
A few feet away, Veronica and Zona got in a cat fight over who's lip piercing was sexier. Zona called Veronica a snotty bitch, Veronica shoved Zona, Zona fell down, and Veronica kneed her right in the face.
Zona started crying about getting a black eye, so I went to get her some ice. When I got back, Zanarki had arrived on the scene. He spit in my direction and decided to pour his drink on my head, then he and Veronica started rolling around on the floor making out.
Jessica staggered up out of the darkness complaining that no one was paying attention to her, and promptly vomited next to the intertwined lovebirds on the floor. I attempted to kick Zanarki's ass, but I slipped in Jessica's puke and Zanarki's bodyguards threw me out onto the street where a bum laughed at me.
I can't wait for the anniversary party!
Of course, none of that actually happened. Okay, so some of it happened, but not even remotely in the way I've just described it. I had a great time hanging out with everyone. Zanarki even bought me a drink. Jessica and Missy and Veronica and Zona and Lux and Jetta and Marie and Jolene and Mia were all there. I think that was it... I was bummed that I didn't get to meet Mia. Dunno where she ran off to. But I did get to jabber a whole bunch with Zona, which was totally rad. One of these nights I've gotta go catch Veronica dance. Keep forgetting about that.
I love Portland. I love this website. I love everyone.
At least, we THINK we know.
I arrived, and there they were right across the room. Trying to be a nice guy, I went up and bought Missy a drink. She took one sip and claimed that the ratio of vodka to grapefruit juice was just "too happy hour" for her. She turned her back on me and handed the drink to a leggy transvestite that was doting upon her.
A few feet away, Veronica and Zona got in a cat fight over who's lip piercing was sexier. Zona called Veronica a snotty bitch, Veronica shoved Zona, Zona fell down, and Veronica kneed her right in the face.
Zona started crying about getting a black eye, so I went to get her some ice. When I got back, Zanarki had arrived on the scene. He spit in my direction and decided to pour his drink on my head, then he and Veronica started rolling around on the floor making out.
Jessica staggered up out of the darkness complaining that no one was paying attention to her, and promptly vomited next to the intertwined lovebirds on the floor. I attempted to kick Zanarki's ass, but I slipped in Jessica's puke and Zanarki's bodyguards threw me out onto the street where a bum laughed at me.
I can't wait for the anniversary party!
Of course, none of that actually happened. Okay, so some of it happened, but not even remotely in the way I've just described it. I had a great time hanging out with everyone. Zanarki even bought me a drink. Jessica and Missy and Veronica and Zona and Lux and Jetta and Marie and Jolene and Mia were all there. I think that was it... I was bummed that I didn't get to meet Mia. Dunno where she ran off to. But I did get to jabber a whole bunch with Zona, which was totally rad. One of these nights I've gotta go catch Veronica dance. Keep forgetting about that.
I love Portland. I love this website. I love everyone.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
faith:
Made fun of me? Well, at least you admitted it.
zanarki:
I crack up every time I see your profile pic. You look like you just walked of the set of the sabotage video.