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This would be a blog entry, but my ex-girlfriend was informed of my blog by a foolish person, who wasn't me, for once.

I had been flirting with this girl for a few months who worked at a store near where I live, and two friends had been working to set us up for a while. I finally took her out to the company Christmas party. She is great. Killer eyes, cute (yea, yea this thread is useless without pics...maybe if the pictures from the party are deemed acceptable I'll post em) loves video games, couldn't wait to play mine, played Magic...the kind of girl that could be once in a lifetime. It was actually lucky I got to take her out at all, because I had arranged for another date, and was considering a 'redundante backup solution' but the previous one, who we shall call "Plan A", canceled.

Plan A worked at a place where I get lunch. Cute, short blonde who I hung out with at 80's night a few times. The girls at the coffee shop started working on my behalf and dropped a word about the party, to which she said, "Oh I hope he invites me..." so at that point I kind of had to, and really, there was no reason not to. Except to later find out she was leaving the country for good at the end of the month to teach English as a second language. So that kind of fizzled, and it was good that she backed out of the party...because that left room for Plan B, and possibly Plan C. See, the ex had e-mailed me earlier in the day to ask about the possibility of 80's night, and since Plan B would have to go home at midnight..this worked out very well.

So I picked up Plan B and showed up to the party where we got to play the unspoken game of "my date pwns yours". I won, well for a few hours at least. So we found the room with the pipe and the Ionic Breeze (yea you know what I'm talking about) and sat and played video games with a bunch of people stoned off our gourds. A little bit later I went into the kitchen, and another one of the girls, along with Plan B, was in there and she says, "Hey you said she was your date, you didn't say she was almost married."

At this point I can picture God as a redneck with a pickup truck driving along a bumpy dirt road, and slamming on the breaks so that I smack into the back window of the cab. Then he starts laughing, and keeps driving.

So that kind of put an interesting twist on the night. Luckily, I was, in fact, stoned out of my mind and so I didn't really care as much. So on the way home she confessed that she was very close to her boyfriend, because they had spent a long time together and they used to steal cars and deal dope, and that is apparantly quite the bonding experience. I wasn't entirely sure why she had never mentioned a significant other before to me, and while I was entirely ready to read between the lines and offer a good game of hide the Salami, something just didn't make that seem like a good idea.

Part of me not thinking that a little on-the-side action was a good idea was that I kept thinking, "Well...they call pot a gateway drug. I wonder if grand theft auto is a gateway felony, that could lead to...say, manslaughter." So I decided against any further action. I still had Plan C lined up, anyway. So back at the party I relayed information to my good friend who just laughed and said it was "par for the course" (me, obviously, being 'the course', and bat**** insanity being 'par'). I called up Plan C, my silver medal, but she wasn't picking up. Well ****. At this point, there is only one remaining solution.

So we went to the titty bar. Luckily I didn't have to pay for almost anything, since one of the guys knew one of the girls, and I got treated to a myrad of perfect boobs and everything else. After falling madly in love with a beautiful girl (for five-minutes at a time) a few times, we called it a night. On a side note, I have a new-found respect for strippers, because I was not aware that one could hang upside-down on a pole, only using one leg and no arms. I consider myself flexable because I can bend over into a bridge from standing. These girls could kick my ass at the limbo, and that turns me on.

So after pitching a perfect no-hitter that night, I decided to take a different approach Friday night. I went and lost at a Magic tournament for a while, then took my ex out. I'm not actually sure that she knows what single ex's are for. To her credit, she haddn't slept in 36 hours, but that still left me with no *ahem*. So unfortunatly I got only some good conversation, and cheesecake. Then I went home and used the internet for it's intended purpose: porn and World of Warcraft. Now, on the plus side: cheesecake is cheaper than a lapdance, and you actually get to eat what gets put in front of you. I'm not sure how the equation balances out if someone else buys you the lapdance, but I am content with calling it a draw.