Saturday Feb 07, 2009

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My dreams are filled with growing things and sweltering heat. Buckets of beans and sunburn.
School is so far from where I want to be right now.
I feel really guilty for taking so few hours after I dropped my western civ class...but the break is so welcome.
I cannot wait for the summer, my apartment, and the farm. FARM FARM FARM.
There was a point when I would close my eyes and bliss out to bean vines and blooms, totally immersed in the traveling vines. This is so far from where I AM RIGHT NOW.

There's more than that. I'm so fucking worried about everything. But if I were farming, I'd have my release and my anxiety attacks would sink into the aggregates and compost and fucking...worms. I miss it so unbelievably bad. I can't see myself doing anything else. This is a great comfort to know that my choice is the right choice. BUT so many obstacles.

Drunkenly yours,
Miz.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
carrotglaze:
lol im sorry i ranted i needed to get it off my chest though
supercrunch:
I remember the days of JVUF as well as Heifer International (which is a good youth-oriented sustainable agriculture program if you're looking for good summer volunteer activities or something cool to do). It always stripped the stress off me to get sweaty and covered in dirt. JVUF has a host of political problems that deter me from working there again, but I can see how you would miss it and I'm glad that ya do. I like to live previous dreams vicariously through other people who have more love for that dream than I did.

Thanks for the response, by the way. We ASFAites gotta stick together.
As far as getting laid goes, I was simply poking fun at my own recent chauvinism/selfishness that has taken hold of my sexuality for over a year now. Addiction fucking sucks, but I'm a total sucker for instant gratification. Sometimes I just wanna live a clean lifestyle and never touch a substance again and other times I just wanna lock myself in my room and make the world outside melt away.

Anyway... I'll go ahead and /rant.


Don't let go of that feeling, (knowing what you want to do with your life) its a lot harder for most people to find it.

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