On Tuesday I received a promotion. This is supposed to be a good thing right? It means more hours for me, though not by far, and more money, and let's be honest, I could really use that.
So what is the problem? I don't want this position. I didn't ask for it, and the stress is going to give me an ulcer.
Last Thursday the Operations Manager for my company called me and asked if I could work an account on Saturday and Sunday (my days off) because they wanted to train me as a back-up lead to cover for absences and vacations. I agreed because hey, I could use the extra shifts, and the staff at this account is the best, and they know what they're doing, so it wouldn't be so bad. Friday the owner of the company called me to ask how I felt about going into this account and learning to lead it. I told her honestly, I hadn't done a full shift at this account for over six months, and there were things I didn't know about finishing a shift at this property, and it made me uncomfortable. The owner asked me to give it a chance and she would check in with me to see how I felt after doing full shifts, so I told her I would give it a chance. Saturday I show up for work at the Supervisor who leads this account pulls me aside to tell me what was really going on. She had made a mistake and was facing a five day suspension, and if she was suspended, I was going to run the account. Now that made sense. The Supervisor was the only one to run this account for years, and she's truly the person who knows what happens at this property. She explained everything to me, and walked me through what I would need to know to run this account, and have the team be successful. The shifts Saturday and Sunday ran great, and I felt comfortable about stepping in to cover for the five days if I had to. When the owner checked back in with me, I explained that I was much more confident about covering this account if I was needed, and that wouldn't be a problem.
Then the curve ball. The owners of the account asked our company to remove the Supervisor from the account because her mistake was a major rules violation. Nobody was expecting this. I was invited to coffee with the Owner and Ops Manager of our company and was told boom "this is your house." I was STUNNED. I wasn't asked to do this, I was told I was needed to do this. The company has all the confidence in the world and me, and they know I will succeed, because I have great relationships with my co-workers, and I am extremely reliable. The job comes with a pay increase on June 1, and if all goes well another substantial increase 90 days after that. I should be flattered, I know, but honestly when I called my husband after the meeting, the first thing I told him was "I'm fucked."
So now I have this new schedule with Thursday and Friday off. My husband has Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday off, and starting June second he will have Saturday, Sunday, and Monday off. This is my biggest problem. I love my husband, the thing that gives me the most joy in my life, even after being married nine years, is the time I spend with him. Now, I don't know what kind of time we will have together, and this honestly stresses me out way more that the job I am facing.
I know I should be happy about the positive things happening at work, but all I keep thinking is, I don't WANT this. That's the toughest part, the guilt about not wanting something that should be a good thing in my life.
The owner of the company came into the account on Wednesday and begged me not to quit. She understands the pressure of my new position, and she really is doing what she can to make this an easy transition for everyone involved, and I am honestly grateful for that. All she kept saying is please, please don't call me and say "I quit."
I agreed to give it the three months to see what happens, and I am in a better frame of mind than I was on Tuesday when I was first given the news. I just have to try to be positive, when the truth is I am most afraid of being lonely.
So what is the problem? I don't want this position. I didn't ask for it, and the stress is going to give me an ulcer.
Last Thursday the Operations Manager for my company called me and asked if I could work an account on Saturday and Sunday (my days off) because they wanted to train me as a back-up lead to cover for absences and vacations. I agreed because hey, I could use the extra shifts, and the staff at this account is the best, and they know what they're doing, so it wouldn't be so bad. Friday the owner of the company called me to ask how I felt about going into this account and learning to lead it. I told her honestly, I hadn't done a full shift at this account for over six months, and there were things I didn't know about finishing a shift at this property, and it made me uncomfortable. The owner asked me to give it a chance and she would check in with me to see how I felt after doing full shifts, so I told her I would give it a chance. Saturday I show up for work at the Supervisor who leads this account pulls me aside to tell me what was really going on. She had made a mistake and was facing a five day suspension, and if she was suspended, I was going to run the account. Now that made sense. The Supervisor was the only one to run this account for years, and she's truly the person who knows what happens at this property. She explained everything to me, and walked me through what I would need to know to run this account, and have the team be successful. The shifts Saturday and Sunday ran great, and I felt comfortable about stepping in to cover for the five days if I had to. When the owner checked back in with me, I explained that I was much more confident about covering this account if I was needed, and that wouldn't be a problem.
Then the curve ball. The owners of the account asked our company to remove the Supervisor from the account because her mistake was a major rules violation. Nobody was expecting this. I was invited to coffee with the Owner and Ops Manager of our company and was told boom "this is your house." I was STUNNED. I wasn't asked to do this, I was told I was needed to do this. The company has all the confidence in the world and me, and they know I will succeed, because I have great relationships with my co-workers, and I am extremely reliable. The job comes with a pay increase on June 1, and if all goes well another substantial increase 90 days after that. I should be flattered, I know, but honestly when I called my husband after the meeting, the first thing I told him was "I'm fucked."
So now I have this new schedule with Thursday and Friday off. My husband has Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday off, and starting June second he will have Saturday, Sunday, and Monday off. This is my biggest problem. I love my husband, the thing that gives me the most joy in my life, even after being married nine years, is the time I spend with him. Now, I don't know what kind of time we will have together, and this honestly stresses me out way more that the job I am facing.
I know I should be happy about the positive things happening at work, but all I keep thinking is, I don't WANT this. That's the toughest part, the guilt about not wanting something that should be a good thing in my life.
The owner of the company came into the account on Wednesday and begged me not to quit. She understands the pressure of my new position, and she really is doing what she can to make this an easy transition for everyone involved, and I am honestly grateful for that. All she kept saying is please, please don't call me and say "I quit."
I agreed to give it the three months to see what happens, and I am in a better frame of mind than I was on Tuesday when I was first given the news. I just have to try to be positive, when the truth is I am most afraid of being lonely.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
I get like a rabbit in the headlights, when that kind of programme comes on and can't look away. As a result, I got to see her lift up her skirt and hump the Eiffel Tower. "I love the way the cold steel feels on my hot skin".