Words... so many words... so much is happening in my sick little mind, and I have to write because .... because my mind is now in a prime place to be expelling words that are worth reading.
I have learned the true meaning of friendship this week. The crappy sappy part is that I don't know how to write this without it coming out like one of those lame forewords that's a bunch of one-liners (such as "Friends help you move, real friends help you move bodies" or some shit like that) so bear with me, people.
My neighbor and dear friend is going through a difficult time because her mother's condo blew up... literally burst into flames while she was sleeping. She is in the hospital right now on a respirator with 2nd and 3rd degree burns. Today we cleaned out her condo post-burn to dig out salvageables and dispose of melted and over-charred things.
I pulled up after a long, dragging morning of near-miss accidents on the 5 freeway and angry phone calls from my sister asking me to repay the fifty bucks she loaned me last week. The drive didn't get pleasant until I was in Laguna Beach and out of the massive urban sprawl of LA/OC.
I really felt bad for my dear sweet friend. She had to deal with the moaney neighbors who didn't want the ugly mess in front of their house, her old friend she invited to help who kept wanting to save everything for her self, and my little boy who kept crying and screaming.... not to mention her husband who was trying to tell her how to deal with all these people. She was so bold and brave to get up and take care of business and make hard and fast decisions on what to keep and what to toss.
It really impressed me to see such strength from her. Later when we were sitting down to the typical apres-moving-crew pizza lunch, she was cracking jokes at everyone and shoving sausage up her nose. I was amazed as to how someone who just went through what she went through can still have such light spirits.
Later that evening....
As I was coming home, dead dog tired from a long day (and a long week, might I add) I get a call while stopping for coffee. My friend I mentioned in my "crush" box (see my bio to the left, kiddies). She senses the fatigue in my voice and hears my story, then offers to watch my son for the evening so I can get some rest. I am so lucky to have someone like that on my side!! It's cool that we can still be friends, even after I opened up my feelings to her. When I picked him up later, we talked for a while. I told her about my issues with my ex (part of which are described in my previous post) and got all the positive reinforcement I needed to get on with the evening. She's so cool!
At the end of the day though, I sit in my apartment, all by my lonesome, just clacking away at the keyboard, hoping someone out there might find this interesting enough to reply. We all do so much in our lives all day, but so many of us are motivated or equalized by the damnedest things. From the time I wake up 'till the time I come home, I'm all over town, taking care of friends and family, taking care of my own errands, trying to just enjoy some of this sunshine that we're having, and just live a fucking normal life. But I come back home, and at night I'm back to my lonely lonesome self.
I'm afraid of being alone. I don't like it. Friends like I mentioned above are few and far between for me. I don't get very close to poeple... everyone I do get close to ends up leaving me or betraying me. I know that doesn't mean anything about me, but it doesn't mean I have to like it either... I don't. I don't like feeling this way. I do so much for the world, but all i want is someone to be there for me at all times. Is that so much to ask?
My ex spends tons of time out with her friends, with her new boyfriend, and our son always ends up ditched at my house or with her family. Personally, I don't mind, but it's hard for me to see my ex "having a good time." I would like to get out and have a good time. It's hard for me now because I don't match anyone's schedules anymore. I don't even match my own schedule!
(quick interjection - this really turned from being crappy-sappy, like I thought... interesting how the writing process works)
My good friend wuvmonki got me enlisted into SG with hopes that I might find some action and activities in my 'hood. Things are starting to pan out. It appears slow, but in the relative scheme of things it's actually quite fast. I've already planned a RPG with friends met here, I'm going to the Invader Zim marathon this Friday night, and I'm keeping my eyes open for more. DCLXVI is helping me put together a bowling night in a few weeks. I would never be able to do this with my so-called-real-world friends. But now that I have all of you, and I have the desire to get out and play, that is making for a very healthy fruitful match.
Anyway, for those who actually read my ramble, thanks so much for scrutinizing my life for a moment. Please complete the surveys that are being handed out to you as we speak, and be honest. All completed surveys will get you a free cup of coffee later.
Delerium is winning... time to pass out...
I have learned the true meaning of friendship this week. The crappy sappy part is that I don't know how to write this without it coming out like one of those lame forewords that's a bunch of one-liners (such as "Friends help you move, real friends help you move bodies" or some shit like that) so bear with me, people.
My neighbor and dear friend is going through a difficult time because her mother's condo blew up... literally burst into flames while she was sleeping. She is in the hospital right now on a respirator with 2nd and 3rd degree burns. Today we cleaned out her condo post-burn to dig out salvageables and dispose of melted and over-charred things.
I pulled up after a long, dragging morning of near-miss accidents on the 5 freeway and angry phone calls from my sister asking me to repay the fifty bucks she loaned me last week. The drive didn't get pleasant until I was in Laguna Beach and out of the massive urban sprawl of LA/OC.
I really felt bad for my dear sweet friend. She had to deal with the moaney neighbors who didn't want the ugly mess in front of their house, her old friend she invited to help who kept wanting to save everything for her self, and my little boy who kept crying and screaming.... not to mention her husband who was trying to tell her how to deal with all these people. She was so bold and brave to get up and take care of business and make hard and fast decisions on what to keep and what to toss.
It really impressed me to see such strength from her. Later when we were sitting down to the typical apres-moving-crew pizza lunch, she was cracking jokes at everyone and shoving sausage up her nose. I was amazed as to how someone who just went through what she went through can still have such light spirits.
Later that evening....
As I was coming home, dead dog tired from a long day (and a long week, might I add) I get a call while stopping for coffee. My friend I mentioned in my "crush" box (see my bio to the left, kiddies). She senses the fatigue in my voice and hears my story, then offers to watch my son for the evening so I can get some rest. I am so lucky to have someone like that on my side!! It's cool that we can still be friends, even after I opened up my feelings to her. When I picked him up later, we talked for a while. I told her about my issues with my ex (part of which are described in my previous post) and got all the positive reinforcement I needed to get on with the evening. She's so cool!
At the end of the day though, I sit in my apartment, all by my lonesome, just clacking away at the keyboard, hoping someone out there might find this interesting enough to reply. We all do so much in our lives all day, but so many of us are motivated or equalized by the damnedest things. From the time I wake up 'till the time I come home, I'm all over town, taking care of friends and family, taking care of my own errands, trying to just enjoy some of this sunshine that we're having, and just live a fucking normal life. But I come back home, and at night I'm back to my lonely lonesome self.
I'm afraid of being alone. I don't like it. Friends like I mentioned above are few and far between for me. I don't get very close to poeple... everyone I do get close to ends up leaving me or betraying me. I know that doesn't mean anything about me, but it doesn't mean I have to like it either... I don't. I don't like feeling this way. I do so much for the world, but all i want is someone to be there for me at all times. Is that so much to ask?
My ex spends tons of time out with her friends, with her new boyfriend, and our son always ends up ditched at my house or with her family. Personally, I don't mind, but it's hard for me to see my ex "having a good time." I would like to get out and have a good time. It's hard for me now because I don't match anyone's schedules anymore. I don't even match my own schedule!
(quick interjection - this really turned from being crappy-sappy, like I thought... interesting how the writing process works)
My good friend wuvmonki got me enlisted into SG with hopes that I might find some action and activities in my 'hood. Things are starting to pan out. It appears slow, but in the relative scheme of things it's actually quite fast. I've already planned a RPG with friends met here, I'm going to the Invader Zim marathon this Friday night, and I'm keeping my eyes open for more. DCLXVI is helping me put together a bowling night in a few weeks. I would never be able to do this with my so-called-real-world friends. But now that I have all of you, and I have the desire to get out and play, that is making for a very healthy fruitful match.
Anyway, for those who actually read my ramble, thanks so much for scrutinizing my life for a moment. Please complete the surveys that are being handed out to you as we speak, and be honest. All completed surveys will get you a free cup of coffee later.
Delerium is winning... time to pass out...
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
There was something rumored about a bowling night already so I haven't mentioned anything yet - we might have to push it back. I could let you in on a SGLA meeting before that and you can come and introduce yourself. It's a very cool group.
Give your friend my love - sounds like a tough time.
What happend to your friend is really messed up and it's great that she took it so well and has so much strength. She sounds like a real true friend too which is awesome and rare so cherish that!
I think what you're doing is great. The fact that you pointed out that you are lonely but you're motivating yourself to go out and meet people is good. It's far more productive than sitting back and letting it eat away at you.
cheers to making progress!