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mistermocha

South Lake Tahoe, CA

Member Since 2004

Followers 14 Following 14

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Saturday Mar 13, 2004

Mar 12, 2004
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Oh yeah, this is like a journal and I'm supposed to write in it and stuff. And this is like, where I'm supposed to write about what's going on in my life, right? That way, all you can get to know me a little better and write down things in response that let me know how you feel... it's like a conversation, only... different.

Right now, my left eye is twitching because it feels like it's trying to swallow a piece of sand. (here's where I get up and remove the old scratchy contacts)

My head is melting. My face feels like it's been stretched taut over my skull, and is relaxing after a long day.... the aliens in Star Trek - Insurrection had their faces stretched because their bodies were aging, but they were receiving the immortal life force emitting from the planet below. What that has to do with me? I don't know, other than my skin feels a little worn, like an old pair of sweat pants that's exhausted it's ability to be comfortable.

I only feel this way when I'm tired and not sleeping right. Lack of sleep always has an affect on one's body.

As cool and fun and fulfilling as my life is, I still feel so ... (gawd I hate to dwell on the topic) empty.

I had a tough call experience tonight. I ran into my ex, and it was something so subtle.... she did something new to her hair that made her look positively radiant. I felt the attraction to want to just run up to her and ask her on a date like she was a stranger... but I had to hold fast, because there are damn good reasons why she is the ex-girlfriend and not the girlfriend.

And the tough part is that we will always be connected forever. We have a son now and have to take care of him.He's my pride and joy, and I love him to pieces, but damned if there weren't some pieces of the whole thing that just make me sick.

I would love to move away, or travel, or do something else that gets me out of this town for an extended length of time, but I can't go too far from him or take him away from his mom. I'm not one of those asshole fathers who snatches the child away and makes sure nobody else will scew up his live.

Bah, I'll find a way somehow, somewhere.

Anyway, that's my bummer gab for the night. I should close on a high-note:

I'm finally getting my RPG together! I have a clatch of people who are intersted in playing and are asking me to pick a date now. I'm sooooo stoked!! I can hardly contain myself!! Rocking and a rolling, doing the happy dance... yee ha!

ARRR!!!

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