misterjesus

Do you know how you hurt me?
Do you know how I feel?

I can't explain what's going on in my head words are not even enough, you don't know me you don't need to I can't fix what's be broken in two, no matter how much I pray no matter how many times I ask things will never ever be the same.

Self depreciation is a art in it's own right depression is like a warm comfortable bed.

To return to the path walk alone again never to see or hold or talk or tell.

I never tried to control you I never tried to hurt you I never wanted anything but for your happiness.

Your face to me was like an angel brought to earth, but I loved your soul and everything with it.

You treated me as if I was worth less than dirt, but I never minded I loved you the same.

I know you will see this and I know you don't care. I've done nothing to be ashamed of. If I am guilty of something it's guilt of the heart.

If these words make no sense if you don't understand it's not really a problem because nobody will notice at the end of the day whats broke can't be fixed and yet once again all I promised is gone.

I did what I did for her and only her, now it makes no difference at all.

did you think it was easy? you walked away and hoped I could just forget you? I dedicated my life and everything in it to you I made every small choice based on what I thought was best for you, I turned myself inside out for your benefit but it was never enough.

If I had been smart, handsome, funny, popular would it have changed anything?

When you hit me it was like you took away a part of my soul. I can't move past you.

An angel cannot be replaced.


ps. I'm sorry if this does not apply to you, and for everybody else the following,

MJ is having a bad time, there is a problem with my money (there's not much left) there is a problem with my job (it's destroying my soul) and XXXX walked out without a word or explination two days before christmas.

what a wonderful present eh.

despite everything I need her. i know you can't understand why, but I gave everything to be with her and with her gone there is no reason for anything I do anymore, I envy all of you who are happy, who have people who care who will have a happy christmas. I envy you all.

So what do I do? if anybody can tell me it'd be a start. you can't imagine how unhappy i am.

and I'm sorry if your problems are worse than mine, if so then I hope you can find a way out of them.

please be good to each other, and not just for christmas.


(boy that was a load of mushy old crap wasn't it)