Don't you hate it when things start to seem to be getting better after a real bad patch.
Then something goes REALLY wrong. and your worse than before things started to improve.
Welcome to my shitty useless worthless life.
Anybody want to be me? cause I am fucking sick of it.
I'm so pathetic I irritate myself sometimes.
oh however I got my flames coloured in and I got another tattoo on my back, the flames look great and as soon as the puffy angry redness goes I will take some photos.
The tattoo on my back looks pretty kick ass too, it's a kind of tribal angel thing, it means something to me and I guess that's whats important really. oh and it will be the last ever tattoo I get.
Underworld is the WORST most BORING pile of dog's crap I have EVER had to see. and The League of Extrodinary Gentleman was quite a bit better than I expected.
and Kill Bill is.. well I won't ruin it for you, but lets just say movies will never be the same again it's kinda like having a four hour orgasm, normal sex just won't be quite as good after that.
I was having a bit of an experiment with myself recently I decided to just stop masterbating about a month ago, just to see what happened if I got so sexually frustrated that my head would explode. well nothing has happened at all, I don't feel any different I don't think any different. I think I may be really broken I have not thought about women sexually in quite some time which is kinda not right.
So I don't know what I want out of life anymore, I had a plan at one time but now it seems well pointless, I have this huge internal apathy right now, I don't care and I don't care that I don't care. does that seem odd at all?
I'm bored with everything and scared of leaving the house, I'm angry and sad and hurt and want to scream. I need to keep moving but my feet are stuck, I need to run but I cannot find the right direction. I NEED. I need too much. I have to forget desire and hopefulness I have to push everything away I have to kill whats inside me. I curse my internal self I curse my external self, I pray to gods that don't listen to remove me from this place I beg for the end and I am too weak to find it myself.
I don't hate you I just hate me.
all good things come to those who wait.
Well I'm waiting.
Then something goes REALLY wrong. and your worse than before things started to improve.
Welcome to my shitty useless worthless life.
Anybody want to be me? cause I am fucking sick of it.
I'm so pathetic I irritate myself sometimes.
oh however I got my flames coloured in and I got another tattoo on my back, the flames look great and as soon as the puffy angry redness goes I will take some photos.
The tattoo on my back looks pretty kick ass too, it's a kind of tribal angel thing, it means something to me and I guess that's whats important really. oh and it will be the last ever tattoo I get.
Underworld is the WORST most BORING pile of dog's crap I have EVER had to see. and The League of Extrodinary Gentleman was quite a bit better than I expected.
and Kill Bill is.. well I won't ruin it for you, but lets just say movies will never be the same again it's kinda like having a four hour orgasm, normal sex just won't be quite as good after that.
I was having a bit of an experiment with myself recently I decided to just stop masterbating about a month ago, just to see what happened if I got so sexually frustrated that my head would explode. well nothing has happened at all, I don't feel any different I don't think any different. I think I may be really broken I have not thought about women sexually in quite some time which is kinda not right.
So I don't know what I want out of life anymore, I had a plan at one time but now it seems well pointless, I have this huge internal apathy right now, I don't care and I don't care that I don't care. does that seem odd at all?
I'm bored with everything and scared of leaving the house, I'm angry and sad and hurt and want to scream. I need to keep moving but my feet are stuck, I need to run but I cannot find the right direction. I NEED. I need too much. I have to forget desire and hopefulness I have to push everything away I have to kill whats inside me. I curse my internal self I curse my external self, I pray to gods that don't listen to remove me from this place I beg for the end and I am too weak to find it myself.
I don't hate you I just hate me.
all good things come to those who wait.
Well I'm waiting.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
I've been doing alot better here in Ireland-=At least my husband DRAGS me outdoors on the weekends.
When I feel like Im angry and want to scream- I DO. If I feel like I want to cry- I DO. If I feel like I want to run-
I do it in my dreams. (cuz running sucks man!)
Hitting bottom or just feeling desprately HOPELESS is actual a good thing for us to feel sometimes.- I know it sounds completely fucking lame- but its true! I can't imagine it getting much worse before it gets better.
Going through hell just to make it to heaven is sometimes worth it. Going through ANYTHING painful just to make it to a place that is CONFORTABLE is well worth the trip. Generally. But what do I know?
I need to go wollow in my misery for a little while longer.
I'm super pissed over some dumb-ass shit that shouldnt even be bothering me.
Unfortunately I also have to clean this den of iniquity.
Love and Light, Ellie