I think that my Saturday evening at Bailey's Cabaret Night in Worcester is best summed up by a list of awards rather than just a mundane re-telling of shenanigans:
- Best Revival of 80s Metal - Bailey, who donned a white trash wig and rocked out to Twisted Sister while simultaneously getting naked. (Oh, you just wait for her next set).
- Couple So Cute You Want to Put Them In Your Pocket So As To Continuously Pat/Lick Them - Sid and gasmaskboy
- Most Efficient Consumption of Alcohol - Quiescence and his numerous "Midori Martinis"
- Most Eloquent Grovelling To Be Added to Favorites List - Siv, who also gets Best Use of Winter Wear in July, as well as Most Irresistible When Needing A Cigarette Lit
- Most Tireless in Iinflicting Guilt Trips - minimalism, who will not accept that I hate camping and thus will not be attending the camping trip next weekend
- Most Reluctant Celebrity - Fallacy, who was initiated into SG-land by having Bailey expose her boobies on stage
- Best Uncredited Performance - m0use, who donned restraints and a ball gag so that Sid could have her way with her
- Best Hatwear - Felicia, who for about 20 heart-poundingly exciting minutes got to wear a 400-pound man's "Welcome To Worcester" trucker hat
- Luckiest Bastard - CurlyOxide, who had Bailey's crotch shoved in his face during the entire performance. He also shares the Best Hugs award with Sid.
- Most Perfect Facial Piercings - gardiac, who also gets Most Inexplicably Willing to Listen to Me Babble About Driving Through Mass Pike Toll Booths AND Best Protector From Flying Bananas
- Best Teacher - Chugo_Kaze, who taught us the basics of "Irish Street Boxing"
- Hottest Boy to Be Involved in Fisticuffs - the drummer from that horrible second band, who began to beat the crap out of his bassist on stage after his kit was knocked over, and then proceeded to simply storm off stage
- Best Booty Dance - Alexis
- Best SG Conspiracy Theorist - Pip and his Shrinky-Dink Machine
- Biggest Losers for Not Having Their Asses at the Show - Blondie, plaingurl, BuckyKatt666
- Best Strong and Silent Type - alkaholic23
- Most Spider Obsessed - jerm, Alexis's boy, who repeatedly pointed out the enormous spider poised on the marquee throughout the night
- So Much Hotter Than Her Already Hot Set that I Didn't Even Recognize Her - Insomnia, whose boyfriend gets a Hottest In Straight Jacket mention
- Best Cameo Appearance - Amina
- Most Unintentionally Hilarious - lead singer wearing white ruffled shirt, white pants, and eyeliner
- Most Unnecessarily Suspicious - the end-of-the-night cop who bumped into my bag and then glared at me like I was the evil incarnate
Thank you all for coming, you can pick up your awards in my pants.
IMPORTANT FINAL AWARD! MY FAVORITEST PERSON IN THE WORLD AWARD GOES TO .....MINIMALISM!
- Best Revival of 80s Metal - Bailey, who donned a white trash wig and rocked out to Twisted Sister while simultaneously getting naked. (Oh, you just wait for her next set).
- Couple So Cute You Want to Put Them In Your Pocket So As To Continuously Pat/Lick Them - Sid and gasmaskboy
- Most Efficient Consumption of Alcohol - Quiescence and his numerous "Midori Martinis"
- Most Eloquent Grovelling To Be Added to Favorites List - Siv, who also gets Best Use of Winter Wear in July, as well as Most Irresistible When Needing A Cigarette Lit
- Most Tireless in Iinflicting Guilt Trips - minimalism, who will not accept that I hate camping and thus will not be attending the camping trip next weekend
- Most Reluctant Celebrity - Fallacy, who was initiated into SG-land by having Bailey expose her boobies on stage
- Best Uncredited Performance - m0use, who donned restraints and a ball gag so that Sid could have her way with her
- Best Hatwear - Felicia, who for about 20 heart-poundingly exciting minutes got to wear a 400-pound man's "Welcome To Worcester" trucker hat
- Luckiest Bastard - CurlyOxide, who had Bailey's crotch shoved in his face during the entire performance. He also shares the Best Hugs award with Sid.
- Most Perfect Facial Piercings - gardiac, who also gets Most Inexplicably Willing to Listen to Me Babble About Driving Through Mass Pike Toll Booths AND Best Protector From Flying Bananas
- Best Teacher - Chugo_Kaze, who taught us the basics of "Irish Street Boxing"
- Hottest Boy to Be Involved in Fisticuffs - the drummer from that horrible second band, who began to beat the crap out of his bassist on stage after his kit was knocked over, and then proceeded to simply storm off stage
- Best Booty Dance - Alexis
- Best SG Conspiracy Theorist - Pip and his Shrinky-Dink Machine
- Biggest Losers for Not Having Their Asses at the Show - Blondie, plaingurl, BuckyKatt666
- Best Strong and Silent Type - alkaholic23
- Most Spider Obsessed - jerm, Alexis's boy, who repeatedly pointed out the enormous spider poised on the marquee throughout the night
- So Much Hotter Than Her Already Hot Set that I Didn't Even Recognize Her - Insomnia, whose boyfriend gets a Hottest In Straight Jacket mention
- Best Cameo Appearance - Amina
- Most Unintentionally Hilarious - lead singer wearing white ruffled shirt, white pants, and eyeliner
- Most Unnecessarily Suspicious - the end-of-the-night cop who bumped into my bag and then glared at me like I was the evil incarnate
Thank you all for coming, you can pick up your awards in my pants.
IMPORTANT FINAL AWARD! MY FAVORITEST PERSON IN THE WORLD AWARD GOES TO .....MINIMALISM!
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Here's a few pics to motivate you!