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missminda

Member Since 2009

Followers 96 Following 81

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Friday Jul 30, 2010

Jul 30, 2010
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Ever feel like you're always doing the chasing?

I feel like I'm burdening everyone & no one wants me, like I'm always the one chasing the people I want & in the end I just wear them down enough for them to go 'ok'. For once I want to feel chased. For once I want to feel wanted, to feel pretty, to feel anything. For once I wish I wasn't so forward & people had to come after me. For once I want someone to stop me & lose control so that all their emotion comes through a physicality that sometimes I feel I'm the only one capable of, leading me to believe that in the end, perhaps there isn't the possibility of that happening to me because I am not warranted that kind of feeling.

I wanna be taken seriously but in the end I'm the clown. In the end there will always be me putting myself out there for no one, making sure everyone else is ok & trying not to die inside so everyone can feel better about themselves, believing that I'm fine & that they've contributed.

It's really hard to keep taking my drugs when I want what will happen when I'm off them. I wish that I could feel someone else's pain so it would feel like my problems were comparatively small & that I could feel that maybe this was all worth it.



I'll just have to kiss you... try and stop me.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
misskoneko:
Naww thank you smile

Hey, whatever makes you happy, yeah?
Jul 30, 2010
tireoghain:
You know, forward would be one of that last adjectives to come to mind when I think of all things Minda. *shrug* You know you better than I do though I guess.
Sorry I didnt drop your device in on Thursday, was going to after the gig , but Alison's car got towed, so we were at the mercy of Nat's benevolence. Once the painkillers start to make it ok to move i'll swing through the city.

Not to sound like a total bore or anything, but perhaps you should take a bit of time to rediscover yourself? re-acquaint yourself with the critter we all love, without all the trappings of other people/lustings etc.
Tell me to shut the fuck up at any point smile
Jul 30, 2010

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