I like going to the doctor now. I have three more 'scheduled appointments' but I don't know if I'll make it to all three. Aeson's head is fully engaged at a 0. Jill guesses he weighs around 7.5 lbs. She said all we're waiting on is for my water to break. Any day now, he will be here. It could be later today, it could be in two weeks.
I'm slightly saddened by this. The first person I wanted to tell was Dustin. But I can't bring myself to that self torture. It's not about us anymore. I don't even care about 'us' anymore. I just want to be civil, but he can't give me that. I just want to tell him his son will be here anytime now. That his son is going to be a big boy, just like the rest of the babies in my family. That Jill thinks he'll have big ole chubby cheeks and lots of hair. I just want to share this final, literal last few days with him. But I can't. If I call, if I text, write, etc, I'll get hurt and I won't do that to myself. I just want to be able to tell him when my water breaks, how intense my contractions are, and let him know when his son is born. It just now brought a tear to my eye to think when I go to the hospital and give birth to his son, he won't know.
My horoscope recently told me to stick with the people who are there for me and stop wishing for the others to come around. They'll realize what they're missing, but it won't be too late for them.
It told me today to go ahead and buy that one little thing to make myself happy for the moment. That happened to be 2/$4 sherbet at Kroger. It said make my house more comfortable, finish that last bit of cleaning, and stop overdoing it. It literally told me to stop working myself too hard. Luckily, I did ask a lot of questions today (because I actually remembered them!) and Jilly said I'm not putting too much stress on the baby. I wondered if the amount of physical stress I was putting on myself would harm him. My blood pressure was normal at 122/64.
Well, my time is coming, very very soon, and for now, I'm just relaxing until it happens. In the meantime.. anyone have a knitting needle they can send my way? (Ya know, to break my water...
)
I'm slightly saddened by this. The first person I wanted to tell was Dustin. But I can't bring myself to that self torture. It's not about us anymore. I don't even care about 'us' anymore. I just want to be civil, but he can't give me that. I just want to tell him his son will be here anytime now. That his son is going to be a big boy, just like the rest of the babies in my family. That Jill thinks he'll have big ole chubby cheeks and lots of hair. I just want to share this final, literal last few days with him. But I can't. If I call, if I text, write, etc, I'll get hurt and I won't do that to myself. I just want to be able to tell him when my water breaks, how intense my contractions are, and let him know when his son is born. It just now brought a tear to my eye to think when I go to the hospital and give birth to his son, he won't know.
My horoscope recently told me to stick with the people who are there for me and stop wishing for the others to come around. They'll realize what they're missing, but it won't be too late for them.
It told me today to go ahead and buy that one little thing to make myself happy for the moment. That happened to be 2/$4 sherbet at Kroger. It said make my house more comfortable, finish that last bit of cleaning, and stop overdoing it. It literally told me to stop working myself too hard. Luckily, I did ask a lot of questions today (because I actually remembered them!) and Jilly said I'm not putting too much stress on the baby. I wondered if the amount of physical stress I was putting on myself would harm him. My blood pressure was normal at 122/64.
Well, my time is coming, very very soon, and for now, I'm just relaxing until it happens. In the meantime.. anyone have a knitting needle they can send my way? (Ya know, to break my water...
)VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
kellenthirteen:
Good luck, hun...you'll be in my thoughts until i hear baby news!!! 
keep breathing xoxo
keep breathing xoxo
curlee:
WOW congratulatons!! omgg I'm sii excited for you..I know your little bundle of joy will be the cutest little thing EVER!!