missmay

I resign. "Baby, I am ready for you to come out now." God I miss him. Not him exactly, I've taught myself to deal with out him. But the idea and being of him. Right now, more than ever, do I long for a man. Not sexually, but as in a companion. I need that sense of comfort and strength. I need a strong pair of arms wrapped around me, I need those words of physical and emotional encouragement through this last part of the begining of my journey.
I suppose I don't need it, but I long for it. Through this entire experience I am learning how strong of a woman I am. I'm sorry if this is all I write about, but this is what consumes my time, energy, and mentality. I am no longer trying to convince myself of right and wrong, I am trying to prove to myself I can make it through this.
I keep dreaming of my baby. I dream I have an easy, short, almost painless labor. (I can only hope.) I dream he is born with blonde hair and bright blue eyes. Well, babies don't have blue or brown eyes. They are gray for a while before they take a color. And, I know this lil man has lots of hair, but I doubt it'll be blonde. It's genetics. I was a toe head from 6 months to 6 years. But, I was born with thick black hair. I then dream he is either born a toddler, or rapidly grows into a toddler.
I can't keep my eyes open.