missmay

I don't have anyone to confide in any longer. I don't have a computer and this site it too large for my iPhone, too much data!! Wish they would come out with an app or at least a mobile site. Oh well, I'll make due for now. If you haven't guessed, I'm pregnant. My due date is October 4, 2010. I didn't want to tell cyber space until I was thru my 1st trimester. We are both healthy! I heard her heartbeat again today. (I say her because it's a both sex inclusive word..) the dr made me laugh and her heart rate increased and became really strong. And as I settled, she did. If that's true for happiness, it must be true for grief. That means I need to stop dwelling on the ex and stop being so hard on myself for what I did. I can say it all I want, I made my choices for a reason; and unknown reason, but a reason nonetheless. I do regret my descision but I can not fault myself for being human. I am pregnant now and have much better things to fill my mind with! It's a matter of dwelling on the good! He's met a girl.. A little blonde bitch who I hate. She could be a saint, but I want her to mangled by a rabbid squirrel. She's tiny and they go out and get drunk and have fun on the town.. I sit at home and cry.. Or cook.. Or clean.. Or sleep.. Or cry some more. There is a line in Rise Against's song, Savior - if this isn't love then how do we get out?- really?? As much as it hurts, I wish I wasn't in love with him. I wish I could get out!! I want to get over him, it hurts so deep to love him because my love for him is so deep.