October is Domestic Violence Month and there has never been a cause for awareness that has been so personal to me. Nearly three years I lost my sense of pride, self, love everything because I was brainwashed into thinking it was okay for someone to push me around, it was okay if he said he loved me five minutes after.
Domestic Violence is a very serious matter, it comes in both mental and physical abuse and anyone can be the abuser. Anyone can be a victim, please if you know someone in a bad relationship support them, help them do not give up. Do not ignore the warning signs.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Recently I ended a relationship and we were best friends before anything, but I was best friends with the man he presented himself to be. In the beginning of the relationship it was great, he had anger issues but never directed at me. Slowly the months went by and it became directed at me, grabbing my arm hard enough to leave bruises or welts. When we moved into our first apartment he completely changed, he stopped working his part time job and left me to support the family. His anger grew to that he never could leave and go out because we were always broke. That lasted a year.
He would take the stance of a boxer to amp himself up and lunge for me. My arm broke the front door glass, he more often he would choke me and tell me he would kill me and get away with it because he could claim PTSD. One night I vaguely remember I woke him up for something and after beating the crap out of me I laid in my bed shaking so hard because I was scared, I laid awake hearing him talk in his sleep about how I'd be perfect if I would learn to shut the fuck up.
The relationship got worse when he fell in love with another girl and started bringing her around the house, If she and him had problems I got the problems. If I (his family) needed anything and he was depressed I couldnt avoid the hell that would rain down. All the while I believed in the every few days of happiness, I learned not to feel anything and to throw myself into my job. I was horribly sick for a month and couldn't see a doctor because I couldn't have enough money to pay for it.
We eventually got kicked out of that apartment because the landlord was tired of hearing him yell and scream. I found another place in a new town praying to god for a new start. "He was trying to change."
Strasburg, we didn't even have a chance to move in before the other girl was causing problems. The night I started to unpack I got a message from her containing "I live with someone I do not love who is lazy, unmotivated and full of shit. I'm tired of being a good person"
When I confronted (and I was crying asking him if this was true) he denied it, a fight exploded and he threw his phone at me and took a bag and left. Sure enough he sent it, along with "why are you forwarding that why are you making this harder for me?"
I held onto those messages for maybe a year? It's really sad I remember those word for word. They eventually broke up, and things were almost normal.
I can't recount how many times my head was slammed against the wall, choked with such force you would see his thumb prints , I thought he broke my nose at least twice. He would throw me into the couch and punch me until he couldn't stand me crying.. for the first time he slapped me across the face he looked at me in horror. He couldn't believe he slapped me... yet again it wouldn't be the last time.
He stopped apologizing for his behavior, he stopped being a human being.
I find peace knowing he will never amount to anything in life.
