misshelena

Hmm...well. Things have been going nicely lately. Paige is all moved in so i finally have a new roomate. That will definitely help me out soooo much. But thats not the reason for this entry...i need to vent.
Things have been so very confusing emotionally for me lately. I've got feelings for one person who is already spoken for. They've always been there, but some shit happened, they broke up for awhile, and when they did feelings were confessed, and then they got back together. so of course that kind of left open wounds out there.. I had hope that something might happen, but thats fading fast. I guess thats just life huh. So i decided to just be single and enjoy it for awhile. Then another person stepped into my life...but the problem is he's got all sorts of..shall we say, baggage? yeah. all sorts of problems that i'll have to deal with, and im not sure that i want to. but the feelings arent fading, their growing. its almost like theres some sort of pull towards him that i dont understand and cant seem to make fade. it doesnt really help that i see him everyday. he's great, i feel a lot for him, but i just know that im not ready for what he has to offer right now. that and well....the feelings for the first guy are still there. i just greatly doubt anything will happen with it, so i give. I know i should just stay single for awhile, but i already hate being single. so lonely. but its good for me. i know i know. i've only been single now for like a couple weeks. im just not used to having no one to hold me. i've had so many offers but none of them seem right. only one does, but he's not able to return the feelings as of right now, and i refuse to settle anymore. this is one of the few times i'm totally not letting my heart win, and listening to my head. my heart is like my id right now. it wants nothing more than what will feel good for right now, but doesnt want to look at the long term consequences. but my head knows good and well that im getting myself into some shit if do that. im just frustrated i guess. doesnt help that everytime i turn around someone new is beckoning for my romantic attention. but none of you boys are what im looking for. and for once....i know exactly what im looking for...i cant let myself settle anymore. i've done that one too many times. one too many sympathy dates. one too many small problems looked over. fuck it. no more. maybe i should invest in a chasity belt until i find the right boy. one who isnt taken this time.

a woman now standing where once there was only a doll.