It's been a strange week.
I seem determined to break my own heart, despite all the positivity of last episode. Apparently revelations and upheavals aren't all monkeys and sugar. The ever patient and understanding misskat and I have come so very close to breaking up twice in the last ten days, mostly because of my headmess. It's exhausting and my brain is a fog of questions that really need to be answered.
How do you know something's over? Where is the fine line between relationship and friendship? Am I just over thinking this? Is it possible to make everything shiny again? Am I doing us both a disservice? And most importantly, what on earth do I really want?
If you have the answer to any or all of these, I'd be really grateful if you could point me in the right direction.
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Also-
I seem determined to break my own heart, despite all the positivity of last episode. Apparently revelations and upheavals aren't all monkeys and sugar. The ever patient and understanding misskat and I have come so very close to breaking up twice in the last ten days, mostly because of my headmess. It's exhausting and my brain is a fog of questions that really need to be answered.
How do you know something's over? Where is the fine line between relationship and friendship? Am I just over thinking this? Is it possible to make everything shiny again? Am I doing us both a disservice? And most importantly, what on earth do I really want?
If you have the answer to any or all of these, I'd be really grateful if you could point me in the right direction.
...
Also-
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
Maybe what you need is space from everything, to work out what it is that you want. Maybe just take a day out, go to a place you love by yourself (I picture you on the top of a cliff/shelf thing by the beach, with wind through your hair, and possibly an Ipod with Dummy or To Bring You My Love playing, or with the EP from Love Outside Andromeda, all of which I personally believe are the best reflective music EVER!!), with paper and a pen, and write out a letter to each of your loved ones, saying everything that comes into your head. It doesn't have to make sense, you don't need to censor it so that they don't get hurt or upset by the words you use, or the feelings you're conveying, and just write. I've done this a couple of times over the years and found that when I read it back, there was a whole lot of stuff that I wrote down that I really didn't think was that important. Hey, when I thought it and felt it, it seemed important, but when I read it back and thought about it, I found that a lot of it wasn't as important as the other things that I DID have.
And once you've worked out what it is that you want, then you write a letter to yourself telling you what you want, or a list of things that you really truly value. Then you just need to look at your current relationship and see whether you have those things. If you do, then you probably are just wanting to re-live a memory... and they're almost never the same as you remember when they eventuate. If you don't, can that be changed? Will being with this other person change it? Is it really YOU that needs to change? Can you change to have what you want?
I don't know if that was helpful to you, but it has been incredibly helpful to me in the past and, well, right now, actually, because I have faced a couple of bullshit moments over the last month when I've thought... wait, this isn't the way I want to be treated, this isn't what I want, should I leave again? And then realised that, well, not everything's perfect all the time... anyway.
Shiny-ness is good. And I want to see this girl below ALWAYS - she looks so damn beautiful!!