misschris

damn.

alright kids.

here we go.

there's a kid at work, his name is erik. he's sweet. he's kind. he's got direction. he's cute. and most importantly, well, very importantly anyway, he seems to like me. and by seems to like me, i mean flirts with me in a NICE way, not a skeezy way. he smiles at me, like he knows my little hard-ass sass is just the big ol' cover that it is. i catch him looking at me, and it's not a pervy "i'll look as long as i'm not caught" look. it's a "i'll look until she notices, and make sure she knows i was looking" in a really...really...nice way look.

it's strange, really. i feel a little bit silly. check that, i feel like a complete dope. i get a goofy grin if he so much as glances my way and i positively BEAM if he speaks to me. he's really, well, normal. down to earth. kind of sweet. alot sweet, actually.

now that i've babbled.

oh sheesh.

DAH!

THIS is what happens when i try to actually talk/write about something real. i get FED up and annoyed with my incapability to even APPROACH being open about anything CLOSE to my feelings. how stupid is this. i'm having an arguement with myself.

DAMMIT!
i had just come to the conclusion that men were too much trouble, that i should realize the women that love me and who i have been afraid to love back. and then what? i find out that jessica found someone else even after everything she professed to me, and well, tori is a million miles away, and i'm stuck in the most homomphobic suburb ever...and i could make excuses all night, but what it comes down to it fear and circumstance.

and with erik thrown in...GOD IS THIS CONFUSING...



sorry kids. i think i just hit a mental culdusac.

why doesn't a juliet come and sweep me away? i'm tired of feeling like ophelia: completely mental and wishing for love...

maudlin=me



i have made a concrete discovery, though. i MUST have more ink. this is ESSENTIAL. i don't want to wait, but the only other thing to do is get yet ANOTHER job...perhaps it is necessary...grrrrrrrr....