miss_magenta

this journal entry is dedicated to this amazing boy. his latest journal brought tears to my eyes.


i was at a place in my life that i really hated to be. my biggest fear was that i was going to be alone forever. it was more than i fear really, because i had already accepted it to be truth. i was completely empty inside unable to feel. i unexpectedly met this boy and was amazed by how quickly my feelings started to develop. i was very cautious because this has happened several times before. i start to care for someone and maybe i have the illusion that they are starting to care about me..... then a little while later they back off because they have found someone better. this has happened more times than i like to admit. but that was also something that was making me empty. i entered this with my feet nailed to the ground, because i knew it wasn't going to turn out good. he make like me know, but he'll find someone else better. i just kept telling myself that. but somehow, this was different. he was different. right away i saw this caring, gentle, unique, talented, adorable, intelligent, and understanding man and all i could wonder is "why does he want me?" he is way too good for me. well, i found out that he thought the same about me. soon the nails in my feet came loose and i was falling, hard. i am still falling, but i am not scared. okay, well i am a little but it is a different type of scared. i am falling with a huge smile on my face and my hand grasped tightly with the person that i care so dearly about. he has saved me in so many ways and i cannot describe how much i love him. it is so scary to think about where i would be if he never came in my life. i know i would not be here. i was very close to giving in, giving up. but now things are different. it is so hard being so far away from him, but i know that it will work out. i love you sweetheart.