I'm not having a fun day, really. I'm not having a particularly fun time in general, had anybody noticed? I'm sick of writing blogs about this.
Argument with the boy: take... about a million.
He says:
- I'm snapping at him
- I'm not interested in his conversations
- It doesn't feel like I care about him
- He can't be himself around me any more, because I "won't let him"
- He can't sleep/work/live because he's thinking about me all the time
- He still loves me
Miserabelle says:
- Yes I am snapping at him, because he behaves inappropriately, and often tells me that I'm wrong, then goes into great detail about why I'm wrong, which belittles me and is irritating. Him sulking after me snapping does not endear him to me.
- His conversations are either about how awful he feels, or meaningless shit
- If I didn't care about him, I wouldn't be trying so hard to stay friends
- If being 'himself' involves dumping all his problems on me, and touching and hugging me when I don't want it/can't cope with it, then no I don't want him to be himself. But he isn't being himself, he's no longer independent, refuses to grow up and continually makes excuses for himself. Plus he manages to act perfectly normally around other people, he doesn't flirt with everyone he meets, whatever he might think.
- He never slept well, because he goes to bed late and sleeps in late. He can't work because he's lazy, he never did his in the first place, and is currently blaming his lack of inspiration on his surroundings ("oh it's this flat" before that it was "Oh it's this house" and before that it was "Oh I can't work in halls my flatmates keep disturbing me"). He can't live because he refuses to see his friends (or insists he doesn't have any) and he alienates his family by patronising them and telling them in great detail why their advice is wrong. He also blames them for his moods.
- Fuck you, how dare you tell me that you still love me? You can't take everything away, then continually dangle it in front of me, then when that stops working tell me that you love me after all. Fuck that.
I feel trapped, he texts me constantly, he calls me all the time with nothing to say, he won't give me any space. At uni he talks to me and nobody else, he's overbearing and controlling. Every time I do something positive to help myself and the whole situation he manages to take back the control with another little revelation (aka I love you). It ended in him deciding that maybe we'd be better off if he "wasn't around" - whether that means leaving uni or a more serious threat that he made a few months ago I have no idea.
I'm not crying over this any more, but it is coming out over little things... I couldn't paint my nails properly the other night and I was in floods of tears, it was honestly pathetic. I've been so torn up over everything that I've actually started writing songs again. I doubt they're any good, and I doubt anyone will ever hear/read any of them but it's pretty therapeutic in a drama-queen kind of way, it's probably a pretty positive outlet.
Maybe it's for the best that we don't see each other, but I can't imagine it lasting.
I need some new profile pics... Saturday may be lame-o photoshoot day.
x
Argument with the boy: take... about a million.
He says:
- I'm snapping at him
- I'm not interested in his conversations
- It doesn't feel like I care about him
- He can't be himself around me any more, because I "won't let him"
- He can't sleep/work/live because he's thinking about me all the time
- He still loves me
Miserabelle says:
- Yes I am snapping at him, because he behaves inappropriately, and often tells me that I'm wrong, then goes into great detail about why I'm wrong, which belittles me and is irritating. Him sulking after me snapping does not endear him to me.
- His conversations are either about how awful he feels, or meaningless shit
- If I didn't care about him, I wouldn't be trying so hard to stay friends
- If being 'himself' involves dumping all his problems on me, and touching and hugging me when I don't want it/can't cope with it, then no I don't want him to be himself. But he isn't being himself, he's no longer independent, refuses to grow up and continually makes excuses for himself. Plus he manages to act perfectly normally around other people, he doesn't flirt with everyone he meets, whatever he might think.
- He never slept well, because he goes to bed late and sleeps in late. He can't work because he's lazy, he never did his in the first place, and is currently blaming his lack of inspiration on his surroundings ("oh it's this flat" before that it was "Oh it's this house" and before that it was "Oh I can't work in halls my flatmates keep disturbing me"). He can't live because he refuses to see his friends (or insists he doesn't have any) and he alienates his family by patronising them and telling them in great detail why their advice is wrong. He also blames them for his moods.
- Fuck you, how dare you tell me that you still love me? You can't take everything away, then continually dangle it in front of me, then when that stops working tell me that you love me after all. Fuck that.
I feel trapped, he texts me constantly, he calls me all the time with nothing to say, he won't give me any space. At uni he talks to me and nobody else, he's overbearing and controlling. Every time I do something positive to help myself and the whole situation he manages to take back the control with another little revelation (aka I love you). It ended in him deciding that maybe we'd be better off if he "wasn't around" - whether that means leaving uni or a more serious threat that he made a few months ago I have no idea.
I'm not crying over this any more, but it is coming out over little things... I couldn't paint my nails properly the other night and I was in floods of tears, it was honestly pathetic. I've been so torn up over everything that I've actually started writing songs again. I doubt they're any good, and I doubt anyone will ever hear/read any of them but it's pretty therapeutic in a drama-queen kind of way, it's probably a pretty positive outlet.
Maybe it's for the best that we don't see each other, but I can't imagine it lasting.
I need some new profile pics... Saturday may be lame-o photoshoot day.
x
I think the amount he seems talk about himself is revealing, even when he tells you his talking/thinking about you it seems to be how it involves him & his feelings, not yours.
Writing songs?
But won't you need this video....
Oh and I demand FF Selphie cosplay for the new profile pic!