mirima

Ummm....so, don't take what I said in the previous blog too seriously, cause it ain't gonna happen....
He's never been in a relationship, he said yes for all the wrong reasons, he doesn't know what he's doing...whatever more bullshit he can give me....le sigh.

This is why I don't date men.

Ok...so despite being gay, I have fallen for a guy....an old friend...but here's the story.
We were friends in grade school...he was that nerdy kid no one liked, except me. You know the kid I'm talking about...everyone has at least one of those in their life. But anyway...we were fantastic friends back then, I had a major crush on him, and at twelve years old,...
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This years Christmas List:
This year for Chrismas, I'm dearly hoping for a new camera, considering that one, I'm addicted to photography, and two, I'm going to school next fall for photography. However, no one in my family has any money, so I'm figuring if everyone pitches in, and gets me Best Buy gift cards, then maybe I can get it myself. I'm hoping for...
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My life has turned upside down...I feel like I'm living in a permanent state of the twilight zone....

And there are things here in this world I just cannot explain.

I feel like I'm in hell...
and there's a penguin.

Hmmm....I really need to sleep when I go to bed...I feel like an insomniac...I don't feel like I've slept, and I forget who I am....
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Well its over....no more teasing...no more hoping that she will come around.
So, now I'm more single than I was...but it still hurts.
Why can't I just find a local girl who will love me for who I am?

Ok, I refuse to whine about this girl thing anymore.

I'm bored, I'm hungry...I need a cheeseburger...which my mother is currently making me.

Where can I...
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Out of it...bored...insane....
kinda wish someone was here to cuddle...when my bed feels so empty...when I feel so empty....

In other news.....
last night's awsome lack of D&D turned out great....
Mau brought an awesome hot friend...turns out she's already taken, but she had sweet pink hair.
And my bestest oldest friend came to spontaneously visit....called me at work to say he was hopping on...
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Just got out of the hospital...
kinda wanted to off myself...again. Things have just been increasingly worse, and I just can't take the bullshit anymore.
They sent me home regardless...and now the girl I love most, the one who can't love me, the one I want support from...has abandoned me. She told me she cared, she told me she understands, and now she's abandoned me...just...
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I'm utterly confused by this girl....she starts acting like she cares after we stop dating, and wants to hang out more. I'm trying to get over her, she knows what I'm thinking no matter how badly I lie about whats in my heart and head, and she always knows what I want. Why now, does she have to be the girl I fell in love...
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I can't feel anything anymore.
I can't feel her when she touches me, I can't hear her voice.
I'm so stuck inside of myself...
and drowning in the blackness inside of me.
I pretend she doesn't hurt me, so I can't feel anything.
But now, even when I'm alone, I don't feel alive.
I don't feel anything at all.