mirima

Life just isn't going my way these days.

Andrew has decided he doesn't want to date me, like I hoped. He wants to date someone else, after telling me that he'd never date that person, he wants to be single right now, and if he was going to date anyone right now, it would be me. I fear I'm not practicing very good poly. My jealousy is getting in the way. I'm rather heartbroken at the moment, and not allowing myself to be sad, even though I know that is the cure for depression. However, despite the fact that Andrew wants to date this other person, he still wants to be involved with me in an emotional, friendly, and sexual capacity. Should I, or shouldn't I? These are questions I ask myself quite often.

Also, I'm occasionally seeing a guy, who I wasn't going to give a chance (because of Andrew), although now I'm considering it. He's super nice and adorable, and what I consider attractive...however, he prefers monogamy, and I prefer poly relationships. I'm curious as to how to make this work.

My musical life is getting in the way of having any semblance of a social life. I had a date scheduled on Friday, but I can't go, because I have to usher, because it's a requirement for those in the art department. The powers that be at school have considerably higher expectations of me than other students, purely because I'm good and work unbelievably hard. They are constantly telling me that I meet all those expectations, which I find flattering, but untrue. Perhaps I'm not meeting my own expectations.

Suffice it to say, my life has proven difficult lately, and I'm unsure of how to conduct myself. I require lots of hugs, virtual cuddles, and encouragement...and any advice that anyone can offer, as to go about my relationships, I suppose. The other things will work themselves out over time.