So I've come to a very important conclusion.
For a couple of weeks now, I have been feeling very insecure about my relationship with Andy. It probably has something to do with the fact that I had a bout of jealousy, and then we had all sorts of negotiations, which made me feel icky, because at this point in our relationship, are the negotiations really necessary? I guess they were. And we've worked everything out, and he's reassured me about a hundred times that he likes me and wants to be with me, and just because he likes someone else and wants to connect with someone else, doesn't mean he doesn't like me any less. And I'm even fine with the fact that he needs space. We've worked this all out. So why am I still feeling insecure, and unstable, and feeling like everything isn't alright?
Well, after talking to a friend, it would seem like I have some very strong trust issues. I get why I feel so secure with Ross and Rose. I trust them. They've done everything in their power to make me feel included, and always express interest in seeing me. Andy, however, has pointed out a lot of flaws in our relationship, and that doesn't make me feel very stable. I'm always unsure of myself. And as important as it is to talk about these issues, it doesn't make me feel very secure. So, I think the issue lies within myself, more than anything. I need to learn to trust that everything is alright. I mean, my relationship with Andy isn't very strong to begin with. For one, we have very little in common in terms of interest. And we want two different things out of a relationship. I mean, it seems like the only things we have in common are contra dancing and sex. Which doesn't make a relationship, but it's been proved in this relationship that you don't need to have common interests in order to have good chemistry...and boy, do we have chemistry. Awesome chemistry! Which makes me hesitant to end this relationship, and Andy has not expressed interest in ending any time soon either. Which makes me feel a little better, but still not secure enough.
I'm starting to think that not only do I have this trust issue, but maybe we're not completely right for each other. And I'm not ready for it to end. Are there any poly people out there who may have a suggestion for me as to how I can feel more comfortable and stable in this relationship?
For a couple of weeks now, I have been feeling very insecure about my relationship with Andy. It probably has something to do with the fact that I had a bout of jealousy, and then we had all sorts of negotiations, which made me feel icky, because at this point in our relationship, are the negotiations really necessary? I guess they were. And we've worked everything out, and he's reassured me about a hundred times that he likes me and wants to be with me, and just because he likes someone else and wants to connect with someone else, doesn't mean he doesn't like me any less. And I'm even fine with the fact that he needs space. We've worked this all out. So why am I still feeling insecure, and unstable, and feeling like everything isn't alright?
Well, after talking to a friend, it would seem like I have some very strong trust issues. I get why I feel so secure with Ross and Rose. I trust them. They've done everything in their power to make me feel included, and always express interest in seeing me. Andy, however, has pointed out a lot of flaws in our relationship, and that doesn't make me feel very stable. I'm always unsure of myself. And as important as it is to talk about these issues, it doesn't make me feel very secure. So, I think the issue lies within myself, more than anything. I need to learn to trust that everything is alright. I mean, my relationship with Andy isn't very strong to begin with. For one, we have very little in common in terms of interest. And we want two different things out of a relationship. I mean, it seems like the only things we have in common are contra dancing and sex. Which doesn't make a relationship, but it's been proved in this relationship that you don't need to have common interests in order to have good chemistry...and boy, do we have chemistry. Awesome chemistry! Which makes me hesitant to end this relationship, and Andy has not expressed interest in ending any time soon either. Which makes me feel a little better, but still not secure enough.
I'm starting to think that not only do I have this trust issue, but maybe we're not completely right for each other. And I'm not ready for it to end. Are there any poly people out there who may have a suggestion for me as to how I can feel more comfortable and stable in this relationship?
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And what do you want out of these relationships? Exactly.
Also troubling is the sense of negotiations. That's usually saved for business deals and hostage situations.
Besides just having some think of you first, what would you want emotionally from a relationship. You seem to tap dance around that question a lot. And think about it without throwing in any sex or the sense of acceptance you'd receive. Leaving those out, what would you want.