I realize that I ended up erasing a lot of my recent blog posts...its just for caution.
On another note, I know I'm in this poly/kink lifestyle now, but part of me is kind of hurt. I'm dating a couple. They are absolutely wonderful to me. So generous and caring and loving. They always build me up, and help me with my self esteem. They're always telling me wonderful things. However, there's a part of me that's a little sad. Not jealous exactly, but sad.
Sad that I come second. I'm not someone's primary girlfriend. I'm secondary. Not that they treat me like that. They don't treat me like that at all. No one does. They treat me with so much respect. They treat me like I'm important. And I know I have a girlfriend of my own, but she lives so far away. I hardly get to see her.
I want to be someone's primary girlfriend...someone's primary focus. Not that other things don't come first...I mean when it comes to relationships. I know that sounds a little bit selfish, but isn't that what everyone wants?
Everyone wants to be in love. Everyone wants to feel important. Everyone wants the attention. I get the attention, I get the love, I get all the benefits from having a relationships and more. I just wish I was more important, or felt more important...in my heart.
I'm not jealous that Rose is Ross' primary focus. I'm not jealous that Eli prefers to be with Sarah. I'm not jealous that Andy has a girlfriend. I'm not jealous at all. I'm just sad. I feel sort of left out...a little. Not really...I don't know what I'm thinking. I am important...I just come second.
I want to be someone's reason for waking up in the morning. I want someone to think of me as they fall asleep at night. I want someone to call and to call me, just to say hello. And I have all that...its just not physical enough for me. I want to be able to be held by the person I care about, and kiss away their fears.
I sound like a total sap. Its just been on my mind. Forgive me for venting.
On another note, I know I'm in this poly/kink lifestyle now, but part of me is kind of hurt. I'm dating a couple. They are absolutely wonderful to me. So generous and caring and loving. They always build me up, and help me with my self esteem. They're always telling me wonderful things. However, there's a part of me that's a little sad. Not jealous exactly, but sad.
Sad that I come second. I'm not someone's primary girlfriend. I'm secondary. Not that they treat me like that. They don't treat me like that at all. No one does. They treat me with so much respect. They treat me like I'm important. And I know I have a girlfriend of my own, but she lives so far away. I hardly get to see her.
I want to be someone's primary girlfriend...someone's primary focus. Not that other things don't come first...I mean when it comes to relationships. I know that sounds a little bit selfish, but isn't that what everyone wants?
Everyone wants to be in love. Everyone wants to feel important. Everyone wants the attention. I get the attention, I get the love, I get all the benefits from having a relationships and more. I just wish I was more important, or felt more important...in my heart.
I'm not jealous that Rose is Ross' primary focus. I'm not jealous that Eli prefers to be with Sarah. I'm not jealous that Andy has a girlfriend. I'm not jealous at all. I'm just sad. I feel sort of left out...a little. Not really...I don't know what I'm thinking. I am important...I just come second.
I want to be someone's reason for waking up in the morning. I want someone to think of me as they fall asleep at night. I want someone to call and to call me, just to say hello. And I have all that...its just not physical enough for me. I want to be able to be held by the person I care about, and kiss away their fears.
I sound like a total sap. Its just been on my mind. Forgive me for venting.
I really hope you can sort things out. Enjoy what you have right now....and if you feel sad, pay attention to it and learn from it. I am sure, some day, you will meet someone special and everything will become clear and you won't be sad anymore. Hugs.......