mirima

I need to start writing again. There are so many things in my brain that I feel the need to put down on paper...in words I can see, words I can feel on another level. I need more levels. My world seems too two demensional lately. I feel like a cartoon thats been stretched out, and the ink is starting to drip onto the carpet...the paper all moist. I want to see new places, do new things...experience. I miss experiences, and I haven't had a lot lately. Not enough anyway.
So I think I like this boy...I'm still unsure. These emotions seem so foreign to me. I'm not sure I like it. Needing someone...I don't like to be needy. I miss the tough bitch I used to be, who didn't get attached, and didn't get emotional. Who kept a level head, and feet firmly on the ground. Who didn't let her emotions fly her away into worlds she need not experience again. I didn't want these feelings to overpower me again. I haven't felt emotions like this since my ex, and I associate these feelings with the feelings I had for him, and that relationship turned out to be highly unhealthy.
Sigh...at least I have my music to look forward to. Rehearsals for choir start sometime in early September, and rehearsals for the symphony start Sept. 14. Its something to look forward to. Something I love. Something to live for, and recently I haven't been living for much. I'm still going to rehearsals for Annie, but I'm reconsidering. I don't really like the play, it annoys me, but I felt I needed some musical theater in my life. Now I'm not so sure. No one really talks to me. I'm kind of alone. I like the symphony much better. Its my drug...getting to sing with a professional orchestra. Its the biggest high I've ever experienced.
Speaking of high, I'm so stoned right now, I probably won't even remember writing this.