Possibly hit the level I shouldn't be at. Friday night, alone,wasted, half a bottle of Whiskey down and a bottle of Port! I like to mix my drink!
All alone this weekend, my gf is off home and I'm looking after the cats. It was Thomsons birthday today, he got a card (that's right a card, signed by me proclaiming he's my best friend) and a chewy treat. This little guy is a mystery. He loves my gf, as cats are want to do. But, when I have down moments he cuddles into me and hangs around me, as if he knows I need some love. We have a connection now, he's my greatest friend ever and no matter how sad that sounds it's true.
Right now I have no idea where I am (not in a physical sense). My last mediation was on Monday and I expected some response since but there has been none forthcoming. The person who runs it is on holiday now for a week so it'll be a while till a next meeting. Still, I'm the kind of idiot who wants it solved now! Spent today fighting myself as I wanted to book a meeting room for an hour to sit down and fight it out. I held back, and it took alot. Things are bad. I'm sitting here amazed I got through the week without taking time off. That to me is an amazing thing.
I've had points over the past few days where I could open things. Believe me, I know them and I despise myself for turning them down, I really do, but she has made no effort on her side.
The sad truth of the whole matter is I interviewed this woman for my job as I was moving upwards. I was involved in the interview process and I chose her. My boss and HR disagreed but in the end I won (after a 4 hour fight) because she reminded of me in my iinterview.
She sat next to me and I taught her everything and within a few days she knew more about me than my best friend in 4 years. We hit it off so much that we were called a married couple.
I fell for her and recognised it on the day she told me she was getting married in a few weeks. So I bought her a wedding present and buried everything else and just really wanted to be a friend to her. Since then I've done everything possible to be a friend. I've bought dodgy cds(911) and soup and her fav biscuits when she's ill, I really tried my best because I cared so much. Since then she has managed to grab my heart from my chest, kept in on display for a while and then crushed it numerous times. She destroyed me when a long time ago I cancelled a xmas eve off with my gf as my she was in alone. I cared so much for her I quit my day off so she wouldn't be alone. She rang in sick, didn't even let me know, even though she had my number.
From that moment on I knew I was being fucked over.
I could go on. The sad fact is that in the end I'm probably wrong and just a massive waste of space! I really feel like shit. I reaaly feel like a waste of space right now and if you got this far I'm really sorry for wasting your time....
I don't ask to wake up everyday. It just happens. And I hate that fact!
All alone this weekend, my gf is off home and I'm looking after the cats. It was Thomsons birthday today, he got a card (that's right a card, signed by me proclaiming he's my best friend) and a chewy treat. This little guy is a mystery. He loves my gf, as cats are want to do. But, when I have down moments he cuddles into me and hangs around me, as if he knows I need some love. We have a connection now, he's my greatest friend ever and no matter how sad that sounds it's true.
Right now I have no idea where I am (not in a physical sense). My last mediation was on Monday and I expected some response since but there has been none forthcoming. The person who runs it is on holiday now for a week so it'll be a while till a next meeting. Still, I'm the kind of idiot who wants it solved now! Spent today fighting myself as I wanted to book a meeting room for an hour to sit down and fight it out. I held back, and it took alot. Things are bad. I'm sitting here amazed I got through the week without taking time off. That to me is an amazing thing.
I've had points over the past few days where I could open things. Believe me, I know them and I despise myself for turning them down, I really do, but she has made no effort on her side.
The sad truth of the whole matter is I interviewed this woman for my job as I was moving upwards. I was involved in the interview process and I chose her. My boss and HR disagreed but in the end I won (after a 4 hour fight) because she reminded of me in my iinterview.
She sat next to me and I taught her everything and within a few days she knew more about me than my best friend in 4 years. We hit it off so much that we were called a married couple.
I fell for her and recognised it on the day she told me she was getting married in a few weeks. So I bought her a wedding present and buried everything else and just really wanted to be a friend to her. Since then I've done everything possible to be a friend. I've bought dodgy cds(911) and soup and her fav biscuits when she's ill, I really tried my best because I cared so much. Since then she has managed to grab my heart from my chest, kept in on display for a while and then crushed it numerous times. She destroyed me when a long time ago I cancelled a xmas eve off with my gf as my she was in alone. I cared so much for her I quit my day off so she wouldn't be alone. She rang in sick, didn't even let me know, even though she had my number.
From that moment on I knew I was being fucked over.
I could go on. The sad fact is that in the end I'm probably wrong and just a massive waste of space! I really feel like shit. I reaaly feel like a waste of space right now and if you got this far I'm really sorry for wasting your time....
I don't ask to wake up everyday. It just happens. And I hate that fact!