I just had an incredible weekend. I'll post more about it when I get back from work.
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Ok, ok, ok, I've kept you all in suspense long enough. Time to tell the whole story, or at least make up stuff that didn't happen, and distort the facts to suit my own needs. It's up to you to figure out what really went down. And no, the names will not be changed to protect the innocent. There was nothing innocent at all about this weekend.
What started off as a routine Friday afternoon, lazing around the house with one hand in my boxer shorts and the other one fondling my mouse (or vice verca), surfing around the intarweb, when suddenly and very unexpectedly up pops a cryptic AIM message from the home office. "An SG Event is about to take place somewhere in the vicinity of 700 miles from you and the host needs your help to make it a smashing success. Be there within the hour." So I did what any superhero would do. Went to my top secret shower stall/superhero changing room and got ready.
Now most superheroes have cool means of transportation and I am by no means an exception. And yeah, while you might think the Batmobile is bad ass, Wonder Woman's invisible plane is pretty damn cool, nothing compares to my bullet train. It's 6000 horsepower can do 0 to 100 in under a minute flat, and maxes out at a cruising speed of 160 mph. Making it possible to get to even the most long distance assignments in the blink of an eye.
Upon arrival at the predetermined location I rendezvoused with the host, who quickly debriefed me for the weekend.
After a few magic potions were consumed at the host's headquarters we then went back to the scene of the crime, or well, crimes about to take place.
Waiting there we found two suspects, unfound and his accomplice Fenchurch. At this point more magic potions were brewed up and ingested by everyone. We needed to gather the necessary strength and courage for the mission ahead. Little did we know of the trouble that lurked around the next bend.
The first task we needed to get taken care of right away in the morning was acquiring the needed supplies to prevent a coup d'etat once the guests arrived later on that night. Hell hath no fury like a bunch of hungry, sexy, really fucking hot Suicide Girls.
We all loaded up in Fenchurch's mommobile (I told you all superheroes have cool cars.) and went shopping. I don't know about you, but when I'm preparing to feed a house full of perverts and miscreants only the freshest vegetables will do, oops what I meant to say was, vegetables that like to get fresh. We took great care in selecting the only the biggest and best for our friends, because, as everyone knows, size matters.
Now you would think a routine shopping excursion to the local ACME would hold no significant danger, but no. Bare in mind this is the store where Wyle E. Coyote purchased all his tools for hunting down the Roadrunner, so anything can happen at any second in a store like that. Out of nowhere we found ourselves being molested by a group of Girl Scouts who forced us at badge point to purchase their confectionery concoctions. Fortunately we were able to make a daring escape minus only twenty more dollars. Had this battle only taken place a few short hours later our combined Suicide Girl forces would have easily out numbered them and I assure you the outcome would have been very different. Beware Girl Scouts. You will rue the day you messed with us. Not even aligning yourselves with the Brownies will save you. Mark my words.
It's obvious that preparing to cook these folks a buffet style gourmet dinner is a silly task for someone with my true superhero powers, but every now and then even the most noble of us have to humble ourselves. It also helped that they were throwing money in the tip jar. They had wanted to stuff the cash down my pants, but as the cook I found that to be a bit too unsanitary. The host ended up doing it anyway.
Btw. unfound also helped cook.
Following dinner was when things got interesting. I think it was the arrival of Gadget and Goob that really put things over the top. Either that or the elixirs that we had been devouring at a steady pace. A game of spin the bottle took place where teh geigh occurred, but then was swiftly defeated. A two girl set was hot, I mean shot. And then a round of Truth or Dare. Dare or Dare? No one really took any truth questions. I guess since we are all such narcissistic exhibitionists and unabashed voyeurs that none of us are interested in the intimate and sordid details of anyone else's life. Poor Goob ended up ruining the game by busting her face open during her dare. You would think people would have more sense then to fall down and injure themselves when the rest of us are trying to have fun. So selfish.
The night wound down with obligatory watching of Kill Bill and Kill Bill 2 in honor of the set taking place upstairs.
Although by Sunday afternoon some of the inmates had escaped from the loony bin, the rest of us enjoyed a home cooked breakfast courtesy of Gadget and Mle. I only ate the waffles that I knew were 100% Gadget booger free, but I don't know about the rest of the group. At least they got some extra protein.
Later that same day I was coerced into a dark room by the host, who lured me in with promises of nachos, popcorn, and soda. She then forced me to sit very still and quiet while images played on a big screen. She called this experience 'Constantine' and dare I say it was delightful. I would do it again, even without the bribes of salty concessions.
It was late so I loaded up the train with my personal belongings and memories stored neatly in the overhead rack and headed for home. Home, where the cat who had waited patiently for my return greeted me with soft loving meows.
For a full account of the images captured through the weekend click here.
=======================================================
Ok, ok, ok, I've kept you all in suspense long enough. Time to tell the whole story, or at least make up stuff that didn't happen, and distort the facts to suit my own needs. It's up to you to figure out what really went down. And no, the names will not be changed to protect the innocent. There was nothing innocent at all about this weekend.
What started off as a routine Friday afternoon, lazing around the house with one hand in my boxer shorts and the other one fondling my mouse (or vice verca), surfing around the intarweb, when suddenly and very unexpectedly up pops a cryptic AIM message from the home office. "An SG Event is about to take place somewhere in the vicinity of 700 miles from you and the host needs your help to make it a smashing success. Be there within the hour." So I did what any superhero would do. Went to my top secret shower stall/superhero changing room and got ready.
Now most superheroes have cool means of transportation and I am by no means an exception. And yeah, while you might think the Batmobile is bad ass, Wonder Woman's invisible plane is pretty damn cool, nothing compares to my bullet train. It's 6000 horsepower can do 0 to 100 in under a minute flat, and maxes out at a cruising speed of 160 mph. Making it possible to get to even the most long distance assignments in the blink of an eye.
Upon arrival at the predetermined location I rendezvoused with the host, who quickly debriefed me for the weekend.
After a few magic potions were consumed at the host's headquarters we then went back to the scene of the crime, or well, crimes about to take place.
Waiting there we found two suspects, unfound and his accomplice Fenchurch. At this point more magic potions were brewed up and ingested by everyone. We needed to gather the necessary strength and courage for the mission ahead. Little did we know of the trouble that lurked around the next bend.
The first task we needed to get taken care of right away in the morning was acquiring the needed supplies to prevent a coup d'etat once the guests arrived later on that night. Hell hath no fury like a bunch of hungry, sexy, really fucking hot Suicide Girls.
We all loaded up in Fenchurch's mommobile (I told you all superheroes have cool cars.) and went shopping. I don't know about you, but when I'm preparing to feed a house full of perverts and miscreants only the freshest vegetables will do, oops what I meant to say was, vegetables that like to get fresh. We took great care in selecting the only the biggest and best for our friends, because, as everyone knows, size matters.
Now you would think a routine shopping excursion to the local ACME would hold no significant danger, but no. Bare in mind this is the store where Wyle E. Coyote purchased all his tools for hunting down the Roadrunner, so anything can happen at any second in a store like that. Out of nowhere we found ourselves being molested by a group of Girl Scouts who forced us at badge point to purchase their confectionery concoctions. Fortunately we were able to make a daring escape minus only twenty more dollars. Had this battle only taken place a few short hours later our combined Suicide Girl forces would have easily out numbered them and I assure you the outcome would have been very different. Beware Girl Scouts. You will rue the day you messed with us. Not even aligning yourselves with the Brownies will save you. Mark my words.
It's obvious that preparing to cook these folks a buffet style gourmet dinner is a silly task for someone with my true superhero powers, but every now and then even the most noble of us have to humble ourselves. It also helped that they were throwing money in the tip jar. They had wanted to stuff the cash down my pants, but as the cook I found that to be a bit too unsanitary. The host ended up doing it anyway.
Btw. unfound also helped cook.
Following dinner was when things got interesting. I think it was the arrival of Gadget and Goob that really put things over the top. Either that or the elixirs that we had been devouring at a steady pace. A game of spin the bottle took place where teh geigh occurred, but then was swiftly defeated. A two girl set was hot, I mean shot. And then a round of Truth or Dare. Dare or Dare? No one really took any truth questions. I guess since we are all such narcissistic exhibitionists and unabashed voyeurs that none of us are interested in the intimate and sordid details of anyone else's life. Poor Goob ended up ruining the game by busting her face open during her dare. You would think people would have more sense then to fall down and injure themselves when the rest of us are trying to have fun. So selfish.
The night wound down with obligatory watching of Kill Bill and Kill Bill 2 in honor of the set taking place upstairs.
Although by Sunday afternoon some of the inmates had escaped from the loony bin, the rest of us enjoyed a home cooked breakfast courtesy of Gadget and Mle. I only ate the waffles that I knew were 100% Gadget booger free, but I don't know about the rest of the group. At least they got some extra protein.
Later that same day I was coerced into a dark room by the host, who lured me in with promises of nachos, popcorn, and soda. She then forced me to sit very still and quiet while images played on a big screen. She called this experience 'Constantine' and dare I say it was delightful. I would do it again, even without the bribes of salty concessions.
It was late so I loaded up the train with my personal belongings and memories stored neatly in the overhead rack and headed for home. Home, where the cat who had waited patiently for my return greeted me with soft loving meows.
For a full account of the images captured through the weekend click here.
VIEW 25 of 43 COMMENTS
abevigoda:
Yeah, it sucked selling it, but that was where we got some of the money to buy our house. I know how you feel, I never thought I'd sell my '65 Pontiac, but I did, to buy the Airstream.
cairo:
I love the way you told that. You're so cool! 