October 2, tomorrow, will mark the one year anniversary of me and my gf. Here's the thing. For the last three months or so we've been fighting a lot. It began almost immediately once I moved in with her. The first weeks were ok and then it got bad fast.
I should confess up front she told me many times that she wasn't ready to live with someone. But I pushed for it because although where I was living was very nice it was getting very expensive to live on my own and if I resigned my contract with my current landlord (who was an absolute asshole) I would have had to sign for 2 more years. My way of viewing things was that even though my gf has a small, much older place that needs a lot of repairs we could use the money we would save by me not paying rent to someone else to help her fix up her house.
One big problem, when she said she wasn't ready for the change she really meant it.
So, almost daily there were arguments over small things that didn't even matter. Petty stuff that I won't even get into here because it's simply not worth it. I had my complaints as well, but in my mind, mine at least we legitimate. She had been become less and less available. Our dates had become fewer and fewer. And when we did manage to arrange one it never ended well.
So a few days ago we had it out completely. "The Conversation". I'm sure many of you have had one that was similar. Never fun. Were we going to work on these issues or end things?
It didn't end well. We talked calmly, for the first time in a long time. We spoke honestly and openly. Everything was on the table. I thought we resolved the issues. Until the last sentence of the conversation which something I said was misinterpreted and we ended up splitting.
So yesterday, we had another conversation. It started with her asking me what are we going to be doing on Thursday. "It's our anniversary." she said. I had already made plans with my friend to go out for drinks because it's his birthday.
From there we started to patch things up. All of my complaints over the past few months had finally been understood and will get addressed (hopefully). She wants to spend more time with me on dates, fixing up her house, repairing the damage we cause to our relationship. I'm skeptical, to be honest. I need to see it in action, not promises. So, we're going to go forward, attempting to fix things.
I'm not going to cancel the plans I made with my friend, but I will find a way to celebrate with my gf, as well. If she's willing to try to repair this I have to do my part, as well.
I'm hopeful this can work out, but I have only so much strength right now to make it work. I'm really at my wits end. So only time will tell.
