minimalism

Relationships are so strange. You can be head over heals in love one day and completely destroyed the next. We all want to protect ourselves from that hurt, and yet to feel true love you have to let your guard down. You have to be able to give yourself whole heartedly to the one you want to love you.

Even if that was the most difficult part it would still be a challenge, but there are so many other factors at play when it comes to dating. Sexual compatibilty, insecurities and jealousy, trust, communication, being able to tolerate each others idiosyncracies, having similiar goals, and the list goes on and on. How any two people end up staying together for life is completely against all odds.

Given all of the things we have to face in trying to have a successful relationship the last thing we need is outsiders attempting to invade and ruin it. I've come to realize over the last few years that no matter how much I have a crush on a person if they are currently dating then they are off limits. In all aspects except friendship. There is no flirting, no proding them to break up with their partner, no sexual enuendo. It's hard enough for people to make it work and the last thing they need are distractions.

Unfortunately for me and most of the girls I've dated very few people live by the same code. I can't even begin to count how many times other guys have hit on my girlfriends, and not just behind my back, right in front of me while I'm standing there holding her hand. And it's not like they have no idea we're not a couple when I'm not around. Usually most of the people are close enough to us both to be considered friends on some level.

Now some of this may come across as jealousy, but believe it or not I don't even begin to understand what that emotion feels like. I don't really see it as such. A jealous person, in my mind, reacts with hostility and attempts to control his partner. I just feel insulted and offended that someone who is well aware the fact that my girlfriend and I are together ignores that and goes on to make a pass at her. And it goes two ways as well. When a girl flirts with me while I'm with someone I still feel the same sense of betrayal and anger.

When it happens I don't expect anything from my partner other than respect. It would be nice if they were able to say, "You know, so and so made a pass at me the other day and it made me feel uncomfortable. Maybe we shouldn't spend as much time around him, or at least let him know that is out of line." It would be nice if they had the nerve to tell the other person, "Look, you know I already have a boyfriend and I think it's rude you are coming on to me like this." But that's rarely how it goes. It's a quietly kept secret in order not to offend anyones feelings. It's a shame really that we all don't concentrate more on making the good realtionships we are in great. To strive to beat the odds. It's so easy in this day and age to have disposable relationships. It's truly pathetic in my opinion.