mmmmm, summer in AZ... i retreat into my airconditioned cocoon, venturing out into the punishing sun only to buy beer and go to and from work. i tried to hook up an old webcam i had but it didn't work right... i want to hook up a webcam so all the ladeez can tell me how hot i am. i want a lot of things....
i want to replace this silly pirate obsession going around the boards with planet of the apes or Ill Mitch.
I want to sit in a bare room, bathed in the light that seeps through the slats of my rotting bamboo blinds, blending my voice with the drone of the fan and my hard drive, blending with the vibrations of the walls and particles and light itself, a great rain of light which will wash away all my thoughts like a Biblical flood. i know what matters and what doesn't, 95 percent of my thoughts and my world are total bullshit, dressing for all these delusions which i am too cowardly to let go of, delusions of individuality, of my little pissant construction of books and music and computers and sex and money and friendships and insecurity and my being afraid to let go of everyone else's thoughts, their expectations, their loves.... to let go of my concern with others' material expectations and free myself to be one with our higher drives and nature.... to free my self from others so i can join my Self with others... this is what I need. and yet i still can't do it. I know this is bullshit, advertisements, haircuts, media, sex, the infantile need to possess the world and everyone in it... I have experienced flickers, wisps of light hitting my retinas of true nature, the spirits hide from me, they peek around corners and squint from clouds, their breath moistens my forehead, coaxing me on, entrancing me, drawing me along like Mother's perfume you spend your whole life chasing, trying to find that comfort, that certainty. the same radiation of warmth, of Love, that you felt resting your head on Mother's belly, that you feel rumbling in your chest when a plane lifts off, or when your heart is throbbing in your ears, when you press two sinewaves together and sizzling harmonics shine through your body, and the midrange frequencies wash the impurity off of you, and the majestically slow bass vibrations move the floor and your stomach twinges with the
...throb.
...throb.
...throb.
...throb.
...throb.
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"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i want to replace this silly pirate obsession going around the boards with planet of the apes or Ill Mitch.
I want to sit in a bare room, bathed in the light that seeps through the slats of my rotting bamboo blinds, blending my voice with the drone of the fan and my hard drive, blending with the vibrations of the walls and particles and light itself, a great rain of light which will wash away all my thoughts like a Biblical flood. i know what matters and what doesn't, 95 percent of my thoughts and my world are total bullshit, dressing for all these delusions which i am too cowardly to let go of, delusions of individuality, of my little pissant construction of books and music and computers and sex and money and friendships and insecurity and my being afraid to let go of everyone else's thoughts, their expectations, their loves.... to let go of my concern with others' material expectations and free myself to be one with our higher drives and nature.... to free my self from others so i can join my Self with others... this is what I need. and yet i still can't do it. I know this is bullshit, advertisements, haircuts, media, sex, the infantile need to possess the world and everyone in it... I have experienced flickers, wisps of light hitting my retinas of true nature, the spirits hide from me, they peek around corners and squint from clouds, their breath moistens my forehead, coaxing me on, entrancing me, drawing me along like Mother's perfume you spend your whole life chasing, trying to find that comfort, that certainty. the same radiation of warmth, of Love, that you felt resting your head on Mother's belly, that you feel rumbling in your chest when a plane lifts off, or when your heart is throbbing in your ears, when you press two sinewaves together and sizzling harmonics shine through your body, and the midrange frequencies wash the impurity off of you, and the majestically slow bass vibrations move the floor and your stomach twinges with the
...throb.
...throb.
...throb.
...throb.
...throb.
...
.....
.......
...........
.............
.................
...................
.......................
.............................
.......................
...................
.................
.............
...........
.......
.....
...
..
.
"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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And I usually love being my late night schedule. But I have to start getting back on a normal schedule soon...