life is tres chaotic right now.
so much driving. so much moving. so hard to grab a bit of computer time.
damn i miss him but it hurts too much to go back and be punished for running away.
i did what i had to do, i didnt want to kill myself. no matter how many times i saw myself with my wrists slashed in the bathtub while he beraded me for things i had not done, and things he had forgiven me for. my heart is pretty fucking broken and angry at his lack of understanding and angry coldness. He called, my cell was dead. I called him back, he wasnt at home. even trying to work this out is just a game of phone tag.
i dont trust anyone near my heart anymore. everything i hear is a lie till i meet a witness or see it for myself. im living with a laundry bag of clothes, 3 stuffed animals, a pillow, some throw blankets and my toiletries. I brought my fave perfumes with me, but have lost the will or care to use them. My hair starts to dread every few days that i cant get to a shower.
and of course, to complicate things, i actually have contracted "Cat Scratch Fever" from a friends fiesty furrball and bronchitus as well. I never get fevers, i get reverse fevers. My body is normally 96.4 and it hit 101 the other night. My glands were so swollen i couldnt swallow and i was freezing from the fever. My skin hurt. Its bad enough to be sick at home, but when couch surfing? Not cool. At least i got to go to the ER and get meds. So now im a medicated couch surfer.
Miss everyone bunches. I will try to reply when i get the chance.
so much driving. so much moving. so hard to grab a bit of computer time.
damn i miss him but it hurts too much to go back and be punished for running away.
i did what i had to do, i didnt want to kill myself. no matter how many times i saw myself with my wrists slashed in the bathtub while he beraded me for things i had not done, and things he had forgiven me for. my heart is pretty fucking broken and angry at his lack of understanding and angry coldness. He called, my cell was dead. I called him back, he wasnt at home. even trying to work this out is just a game of phone tag.
i dont trust anyone near my heart anymore. everything i hear is a lie till i meet a witness or see it for myself. im living with a laundry bag of clothes, 3 stuffed animals, a pillow, some throw blankets and my toiletries. I brought my fave perfumes with me, but have lost the will or care to use them. My hair starts to dread every few days that i cant get to a shower.
and of course, to complicate things, i actually have contracted "Cat Scratch Fever" from a friends fiesty furrball and bronchitus as well. I never get fevers, i get reverse fevers. My body is normally 96.4 and it hit 101 the other night. My glands were so swollen i couldnt swallow and i was freezing from the fever. My skin hurt. Its bad enough to be sick at home, but when couch surfing? Not cool. At least i got to go to the ER and get meds. So now im a medicated couch surfer.
Miss everyone bunches. I will try to reply when i get the chance.
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I was looking at prom dresses today. hah... I hope I can get out there ike we plan.
Feel better darling, I ♥ you big time. xoxo