Its sunday morning... the day that God chose to rest after he made the world. I only wish that i could rest and forget about this world like God sometimes does.
Its early, and i have just stumbled home from a party next door. We always have great parties... but this one was different. People that never would have noticed me did, and fawned over me to prove so, which made me giggle and left them as targets of my laughter. What a joke! Why would these silly boys want moi?? Obviously they DONT know me.
What made this night so disturbing... or maybe profound was running into a link from my past... my past that i had long forgotten.
His name is Terrance, and he went to middle school with me. Both of us were thrown into private school after our parents deemed the public school we were both attending.. not exactly right. Where he fit in, i didnt. Terrance was instantly loved and adored, and as usual, i was left proving myself again and again. We embraced tightly like survivors from the same shipwreck. He still thought of me as the "singing and dancing" girl that he remembered. He remembered the girl in all the school plays, the girl that danced at the graduation performance, the girl that sang her heart out on stage... as a performer. It broke my heart that i never saw myself that way. He reminded me of the future i could have had. He reminded me of who i used to be before i let life get to me.
It made me sad.
I am in grieving now.
I am grieving for the girl that used to sing and dance and was beautiful. Somehow... ive lost that girl. Maybe ive killed her. Maybe she was just a ruse.
Maybe that memory is just pieces of what i could have been.
I want to cry my eyes out now and i dont even know how many beers ive had, or if the aces in my system are still fucking with me. All i know is i have to talk to him again. I need to be reminded of the girl that was killed by high school.
I need to know who i was on the road to becoming...
I want to find that little girl again.
If i dont, i think it will kill me.
Its early, and i have just stumbled home from a party next door. We always have great parties... but this one was different. People that never would have noticed me did, and fawned over me to prove so, which made me giggle and left them as targets of my laughter. What a joke! Why would these silly boys want moi?? Obviously they DONT know me.
What made this night so disturbing... or maybe profound was running into a link from my past... my past that i had long forgotten.
His name is Terrance, and he went to middle school with me. Both of us were thrown into private school after our parents deemed the public school we were both attending.. not exactly right. Where he fit in, i didnt. Terrance was instantly loved and adored, and as usual, i was left proving myself again and again. We embraced tightly like survivors from the same shipwreck. He still thought of me as the "singing and dancing" girl that he remembered. He remembered the girl in all the school plays, the girl that danced at the graduation performance, the girl that sang her heart out on stage... as a performer. It broke my heart that i never saw myself that way. He reminded me of the future i could have had. He reminded me of who i used to be before i let life get to me.
It made me sad.
I am in grieving now.
I am grieving for the girl that used to sing and dance and was beautiful. Somehow... ive lost that girl. Maybe ive killed her. Maybe she was just a ruse.
Maybe that memory is just pieces of what i could have been.
I want to cry my eyes out now and i dont even know how many beers ive had, or if the aces in my system are still fucking with me. All i know is i have to talk to him again. I need to be reminded of the girl that was killed by high school.
I need to know who i was on the road to becoming...
I want to find that little girl again.
If i dont, i think it will kill me.
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
Some of my classmates weren't so lucky. One guy went to jail for robbing a chicken shack. This girl I knew had a baby at 15 or 16 to some dude who beats her. The others...I don't know. I haven't seen them in like ten years.
But I know it's all apart of growing. A little piece of you dies and another is born. That's life, and I'm just now, after all these years, getting use to it. I'm not happy about it, but I'm getting use to it. All I'm saying is that I feel you, girl
Please feel better darling
Freddy
I joined the site on the glory that was the prelude to my birthday. This is not a sex site. I joined for radical free expression of independent enlightened individuals exploding fearless handguns and shot guns of beauty and delight in mind, body, and spirit.
I am an advocate of life and the destruction of psychic traps and barriers to the soul.
While just being, Thora reached into my imagination and became kindred. As an artist and musician, I listened to the ritual sound of the web site and felt home. I admire life as the work of art, and after that everything you touch is funky vibalitious.
I saw the loss of her darling and remembered my familiar in the aether, and spirit, instinctual like a reptile brain, came words in remembrance. I lost not just a cat dear, but a friend, teacher, and constant companion through some of the toughest years of my life.
His name Catfish, and I never knew why. I entered your profile and the word just slapped me in the head. Of course he is Piscean, and his mother named him such. Thank you for solving on of my most persistent mysteries. I will always be grateful and in your debt.
It is crazy, the wily hand of serendipity.
I was thinking of a writers group with the word list game. Would you be game?
As to Latin, Sanskrit, Japanese, French, Spanish, Italian, Chinese, and Petroglyphs / Hieroglyphs, classes I have taken, I havent mastered any for the language requirement for a bachelors degree, so I minored in linguistics instead after all those languages. My brother is the Latin expert. I am just a jack of trades.
Here is a fun link. We can use this site for inside coolness if you desire.
Take care, and enjoy more Popsicles.
P.S. To cry is to return and at least you still feel and that will center your course, lol