minerva1

let me first thank everyone who leaves me notes on my journal and i'm sorry i don't respond to every one of them. *resolves to do so from now on*

quick synopsis on my weekend: fun, just not as fun as it could have been. i was the only one who got drunk because b "had gotten drunk last night and didn't want to again." we had an eighth of weed and smoked one goddamn bowl because b was too fucking paranoid to smoke ANYWHERE. we eventually found an empty parking lot but his obnoxious paranoia killed my high rather quickly. but me and him and his two gay roommates ate at the pizza buffet and went to the porn shop and had fun. so that's that.


and now...
i just had a 3 hour conversation with my ex, d. one that was emotionally draining and leaves me feeling like bawling even though nothing was really wrong.
i ache inside. i realized how much d is not like other people. i'm so fucking confused and frustrated. seeing him for the first time in months was nerve-wracking and that in itself made me want to cry. i miss him. i love him and i know i always will.
but as s said on our date the other day... "i love my ex... but love isn't enough."


i'm a huge ball of emotions right now. its helped to write all this. i text messaged s to see if he was still awake, even though i dont know if i should even spill all this shit to him. he hasn't texted back. it's 1am. i wish i could put this shit into words. i wish there were words that could describe him. and describe me. and describe love and energy and sex and passion and life.

i just want to scream.