mindless

So I finally got up the courage to go see the only girl I've ever loved but haven't seen in six months last night. I wrote her a letter proclaiming my feelings for her and that maybe we could get back together and did she still love me and yadda yadda yackity smack. I get there, my heart pumping like crazy, feeling nauseous, and she acts like I'm a wacko or something. Like why am I there? She said she thought we agreed things were over. No, she told me to give her "time". She said she didn't remember saying that. She also said she's been dating this guy for three months. I wonder if she told him she loves him and has dreams about him too. Needless to say, I quickly left and tore up the letter and now I am a wrecked man. I feel horrible. I got home and took five shots of rum, then proceeded to bawl my eyes out and drink many many more drinks. It was pathetic. Now I don't know what to do. I was supposed to work today, but the hell with that. I'm not going tomorrow either. I need time to paste my heart back together and see what's next. I've never felt that way before. Now what?