mindless

Hmph. I suppose that my time with Jen is over. So I think that it's time for me to assess the mess, so to speak. I mean, why did it end so abruptly. What happened? Am I really such a bad person that I can't have a relationship? Do I push everyone away when they try to get close to me? Maybe I'm afraid to get that close. I dunno. I do konw that I don't like talking too much about my dad to people. I can sort of do it on here because I'm not looking at someone while doing it. I had a dream about him the other night. He was sick, as he is in most of my dreams, and it was so sad. But as I stood there with my hand on his shoulder, he turned into a skeleton and crumbled to ash right in front of me. That dream makes me want to just never have another one. It's like my dreams are taunting me. Anyway, I think maybe I should just go with the flow and make a girl happy, instead of always letting my fears and my unhappiness interfere with good times. It's like I can't just let myself be happy. I have to dilute the happiness with a bit of pain. Blah. But I'm not so bad right now. It's just a normal day by myself. I'm going to watch Bulletproof Monk now and see if it sucks as much as my brother said it did. Later days.......