Wow... ok.. so things aren't always what they seem... and then again.... There are some things that never cease to fail.
I went to NYC on saturday.
Well let me back up a bit.
This past week... I dropped a class. Spanish. The only class i need to graduate and get my bachelor's. I drop what i need most. Then again... I WAS failing it. I had failed 3 tests in a row and even if the prof dropped the lowest one, we only have 2-3 more tests. IF i managed to get an A on the rest of them.. I would still NOT manage anything above a c-. I need a C+ to transfer back to UMASS. (so far no good) Hence why I dropped the class.
With that said... Friday I woke up at ~8am was up all day running errands and the like. At 315 i took a nap. Slept until 515... at which point i had to:
A) get ready for work
B) clean my car out
C) get food
D) and pack
and I had to do all this before driving to work.
So I get all this done in 15minutes.
I drive to work.... and then I drive (which is my job) a big truck for 9 hours.
I was originally planning on driving to CT right after work, parking at the train station and sleeping in my car... Then i decided that was a terrible plan.
So... at 3am i drove back home. Slept for 4 hours. THEN drove down to Connecticut. (3.5 hour drive)
Parked my car in a garage. got my ticket and hopped on the train for NYC.
Now... the reason for me going to NY was to go to the museum of natural history for a field trip for my paleontology class. However... because the school couldnt provide busses the trip was canceled. However, I decided to go on my own. AND... since i am sort of talking to my ex again, I figured it was about time to visit her as well. (it's only been 4 years)
So i get off at Grand Central and call up my ex. She and her friend drive and pick me up. I hop inot the back of a minivan w/ no seats rolling all around with every turn and swerve he makes as he's driving. He drives us to her apt. I say thank you and she gives him a kiss. What clicked in my mind is who this friend was that gave us the ride. It was the first guy she started talking to after we broke up 4 years ago. She didn't even know him, but she wrote him letters. He started at Umass and then went to NYC. Anywhoo.. that's besides the point.
So she shows me her apartment. It's nice. It's tiny, but nice. she takes off her jacket and sits in the chair diagonally from me. I am sitting on the sofa drinking my Dunkin Donuts Hot chocolate.
I could not believe how beautiful she was. She got hotter since we dated.
I was thinking awful thoughts. Not so much "i miss her i want to be back with her, i love her, etc." but more of "I can see through her shirt. her body is ... wow. I want to sleep with her."
So i quickly washed these thoughts out of my brain and kept up conversation. It was nice to see her smile again. It was nice just to see her. But I wanted to make sure i didn't give any of my hopes up. (and it was a good thing i didn't)
I had packed a bag just in case she allowed me to stay overnight. extra clothes, toothbrush, deodorant, phone charger.
We had originally planned that i was going to come down and that she and I would go to the museum, then to go see a movie that i was an extra for, and then go out to a bar or wherever she would take me. (and then in case i missed my train, or for whatever other reason I could've stayed with her.)
But that was not the case.
I had brought her a birthday gift I bought several days before in Boston. at Johnny Cupcakes.
She questioned why i was delivering gifts and I just told her "It was your birthday last week, wasn't it? Happy Birthday."
She smiled an awkward smile and thanked me.
Then things started going down hill.
She got a text message not too long after and she said "Oh man. I forgot! I have to go see this show for work, so I won't be able to go see the movie with you." (she works for AEG Live) I said, "No Prob." and we continued to talk.
She looked up the museum location and we went out on our way to it.
We had a decent conversation all the way there. It wasn't exactly like picking up where we left off... it was more like ............. picking up broken pieces and neither person really ready to put them back together. Maybe for the fear that they will break again. Whatever.
So we finally get to the museum and we're in line for about 35 seconds and she gets another text. This time she says "I totally forgot that was today?" "what," I asked. "My friend's grandmother's memorial service is at 3pm." HERE WE GO AGAIN. another let down.
I just kept my chin up and said.. fine. No prob. Do what you have to do. So she waited with me in line for a while and after i got my ticket she had to go. No hugs. No handshakes. She just gave me a salute and said "let me know when you get out, maybe we can meet up after." "sure" i said, knowing full well this was just her way of dodging another bullet.
So I went into the Museum alone. (even though it was packed to the brim of people)
I headed straight for the prehistoric section. I spent about 3 hours in there alone. Then i got hungry... so i left.
I hadn't eaten anything since friday at 8pm. It was now 4pm.
I left the museum after getting some space ice cream. (I LOVE SPACE ICE CREAM!!!)
and i started my journey back to grand central, because i knew she wasn't going to hang out with me.
on my way back i got a little lost and found myself in front of NBC Studios. The window display for the NBC store was all HEROES. HOLY FUCK BEANS! I thought. I went inside and looked around. I didn't purchase anything, but it made me really happy.
finally after getting lost a couple more times I made it back to GC Station just as it became dark.
Hopped on the train and back to CT.
Got in my car and drove home. another 3.5 hours.
and Sunday when i was at my friend's apartment while watching the PATS (who beat Indy) I get a text message from my ex. "Hey sorry i couldn't spend more time the memorial and reception ran until seven and i had to go to straight to annie lennox. i hope you had a good time anywhow.
"
I knew what i was getting myself into, and so if i had told any of my friends or family that i was going to see her, they would've tried to stop me. Because they care about me and don't wish me to get hurt by her again.
But you know what?... it's 4 years later. I'm going to be 24 in december. I'm a big kid. I went to see her hoping for a lot, but not expecting anything at all. ... And I survived.
I'm alive.
I don't hurt.
I don't pain.
I just wish she could truly see what she threw away back then and realize a friendship could've been possible.
oh... and I'd still totally have sex with her if she asked me. hahahahaha.
until the next big rant.... Stay warm!
<3 mimesociety
I went to NYC on saturday.
Well let me back up a bit.
This past week... I dropped a class. Spanish. The only class i need to graduate and get my bachelor's. I drop what i need most. Then again... I WAS failing it. I had failed 3 tests in a row and even if the prof dropped the lowest one, we only have 2-3 more tests. IF i managed to get an A on the rest of them.. I would still NOT manage anything above a c-. I need a C+ to transfer back to UMASS. (so far no good) Hence why I dropped the class.
With that said... Friday I woke up at ~8am was up all day running errands and the like. At 315 i took a nap. Slept until 515... at which point i had to:
A) get ready for work
B) clean my car out
C) get food
D) and pack
and I had to do all this before driving to work.
So I get all this done in 15minutes.
I drive to work.... and then I drive (which is my job) a big truck for 9 hours.
I was originally planning on driving to CT right after work, parking at the train station and sleeping in my car... Then i decided that was a terrible plan.
So... at 3am i drove back home. Slept for 4 hours. THEN drove down to Connecticut. (3.5 hour drive)
Parked my car in a garage. got my ticket and hopped on the train for NYC.
Now... the reason for me going to NY was to go to the museum of natural history for a field trip for my paleontology class. However... because the school couldnt provide busses the trip was canceled. However, I decided to go on my own. AND... since i am sort of talking to my ex again, I figured it was about time to visit her as well. (it's only been 4 years)
So i get off at Grand Central and call up my ex. She and her friend drive and pick me up. I hop inot the back of a minivan w/ no seats rolling all around with every turn and swerve he makes as he's driving. He drives us to her apt. I say thank you and she gives him a kiss. What clicked in my mind is who this friend was that gave us the ride. It was the first guy she started talking to after we broke up 4 years ago. She didn't even know him, but she wrote him letters. He started at Umass and then went to NYC. Anywhoo.. that's besides the point.
So she shows me her apartment. It's nice. It's tiny, but nice. she takes off her jacket and sits in the chair diagonally from me. I am sitting on the sofa drinking my Dunkin Donuts Hot chocolate.
I could not believe how beautiful she was. She got hotter since we dated.
I was thinking awful thoughts. Not so much "i miss her i want to be back with her, i love her, etc." but more of "I can see through her shirt. her body is ... wow. I want to sleep with her."
So i quickly washed these thoughts out of my brain and kept up conversation. It was nice to see her smile again. It was nice just to see her. But I wanted to make sure i didn't give any of my hopes up. (and it was a good thing i didn't)
I had packed a bag just in case she allowed me to stay overnight. extra clothes, toothbrush, deodorant, phone charger.
We had originally planned that i was going to come down and that she and I would go to the museum, then to go see a movie that i was an extra for, and then go out to a bar or wherever she would take me. (and then in case i missed my train, or for whatever other reason I could've stayed with her.)
But that was not the case.
I had brought her a birthday gift I bought several days before in Boston. at Johnny Cupcakes.
She questioned why i was delivering gifts and I just told her "It was your birthday last week, wasn't it? Happy Birthday."
She smiled an awkward smile and thanked me.
Then things started going down hill.
She got a text message not too long after and she said "Oh man. I forgot! I have to go see this show for work, so I won't be able to go see the movie with you." (she works for AEG Live) I said, "No Prob." and we continued to talk.
She looked up the museum location and we went out on our way to it.
We had a decent conversation all the way there. It wasn't exactly like picking up where we left off... it was more like ............. picking up broken pieces and neither person really ready to put them back together. Maybe for the fear that they will break again. Whatever.
So we finally get to the museum and we're in line for about 35 seconds and she gets another text. This time she says "I totally forgot that was today?" "what," I asked. "My friend's grandmother's memorial service is at 3pm." HERE WE GO AGAIN. another let down.
I just kept my chin up and said.. fine. No prob. Do what you have to do. So she waited with me in line for a while and after i got my ticket she had to go. No hugs. No handshakes. She just gave me a salute and said "let me know when you get out, maybe we can meet up after." "sure" i said, knowing full well this was just her way of dodging another bullet.
So I went into the Museum alone. (even though it was packed to the brim of people)
I headed straight for the prehistoric section. I spent about 3 hours in there alone. Then i got hungry... so i left.
I hadn't eaten anything since friday at 8pm. It was now 4pm.
I left the museum after getting some space ice cream. (I LOVE SPACE ICE CREAM!!!)
and i started my journey back to grand central, because i knew she wasn't going to hang out with me.
on my way back i got a little lost and found myself in front of NBC Studios. The window display for the NBC store was all HEROES. HOLY FUCK BEANS! I thought. I went inside and looked around. I didn't purchase anything, but it made me really happy.
finally after getting lost a couple more times I made it back to GC Station just as it became dark.
Hopped on the train and back to CT.
Got in my car and drove home. another 3.5 hours.
and Sunday when i was at my friend's apartment while watching the PATS (who beat Indy) I get a text message from my ex. "Hey sorry i couldn't spend more time the memorial and reception ran until seven and i had to go to straight to annie lennox. i hope you had a good time anywhow.
"
I knew what i was getting myself into, and so if i had told any of my friends or family that i was going to see her, they would've tried to stop me. Because they care about me and don't wish me to get hurt by her again.
But you know what?... it's 4 years later. I'm going to be 24 in december. I'm a big kid. I went to see her hoping for a lot, but not expecting anything at all. ... And I survived.
I'm alive.
I don't hurt.
I don't pain.
I just wish she could truly see what she threw away back then and realize a friendship could've been possible.
oh... and I'd still totally have sex with her if she asked me. hahahahaha.
until the next big rant.... Stay warm!
<3 mimesociety