my life has taken some odd turns lately. Its only been a month since I got back in town and things are not going the way I had hoped at all! Fist i was all excited to see my bestfriend?ex girlfriend? who knows and that all turned to shit and even after two years if "trying" to get over her have not suceeded. things are weird now too since she found a new girlfriend. I cant believe I'm still hung up on her. I'm such an ass she wanted me back for years and now that she finally is getting over that and moving on I feel like I'm going crazy wanting her back. what the fuck is wrong with me. I mean what the hell Am I doing? so I tell her this and she's all like wow lets get back together so I'm all happy and bubbly and she says we'll hang out the next day and I'm all excited and make all these plas and then BLAM she just never bothers to call or anything. Doesnt answer her phone and doesnt respond to my emails.
This is the sweetest girl in the world and she totally fucked me over. So I'm this big crying mess of a girl and I dont know what to do . I'm miserable with her and I'm miserable without her. THis all just sucks. So If she didnt call was she just lying when she said she wanted me back? I dont know what to think Im the biggest ass that ever lived. Should I just leave her alone and let her be happy with this new girl that seems really wonderful and perfect for her. am I just being a selfish bitch or if you dont stop loving someone after 2 years does that mean you never will? I am so confused. I mean we didnt have the best relatioship we were a little co dependent and she always got jealous and pocessive of other people being in my life but she says that shes not like that now. I am so confused and feel so goddamn awful I just dont know what to do at all. I know she is spending the weekend with her new girl and she might call me on monday or sunday night should I talk or just ignore her . This is making me so miserable. and I keep throwing up I dont even want to get out of bed I'm so down.
This is the sweetest girl in the world and she totally fucked me over. So I'm this big crying mess of a girl and I dont know what to do . I'm miserable with her and I'm miserable without her. THis all just sucks. So If she didnt call was she just lying when she said she wanted me back? I dont know what to think Im the biggest ass that ever lived. Should I just leave her alone and let her be happy with this new girl that seems really wonderful and perfect for her. am I just being a selfish bitch or if you dont stop loving someone after 2 years does that mean you never will? I am so confused. I mean we didnt have the best relatioship we were a little co dependent and she always got jealous and pocessive of other people being in my life but she says that shes not like that now. I am so confused and feel so goddamn awful I just dont know what to do at all. I know she is spending the weekend with her new girl and she might call me on monday or sunday night should I talk or just ignore her . This is making me so miserable. and I keep throwing up I dont even want to get out of bed I'm so down.
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There is nothing wrong with being hung up on someone for that long as a doesn't stop you from getting envolved with other people. There is one lady in my life who makes me cry even though we haven't been together for 5 years. I have been with people since but she will always hold a special place and I am not sure if I will ever stop loving her but I had to come to the conclussion that she was never coming back to me in that way.
Right now. I would watch lots of Simpsons. Try to find something I could eat and not throw up because low blood sugar will make things much worse and think about sitting in the sun and reading for a while.
yea like nuria said i hope this doesn't cause any resentment for posting in your journal about something so personal.
kind of how i deal with hurt is writing crappy poetry. i have this journal that i have had for like 6 years now and it is filled with remorseful and depressing poems. i carry it with me everywhere i go b/c i hope one time something will inspire me to write something happy. when that day comes i am going to put that journal away somewhere far away , and start a new depressing journal.
anyway i'll send lots of hugs your way and hope you feel better.