Well, I usually write little stupid journal entries but this one's serious. I really need advice. So please bear with me if this gets a bit long, but you need to understand the situation to give me the advice I need.
So I have this roommate who is also a good friend from back home. We've lived together for about 3 years now. The problem is he's a very bad alcoholic. He drinks from morning till night, before work, after work, all the time. He has no limits either. Once he's so fucked up that his eyes are rolling back in his head, he can't even talk, he can barely even move, he still finds a way to lift that bottle to his lips and drink more.
The first time he screwed us over was about 2 and a half years ago. We (me, my boyfriend, him, and another guy) lived in a house together. My BF and I couldn't take living with the 2 other guys anymore so we moved out. They never took our names off the lease (after almost a year) and when they got kicked out for having huge parties where a bunch of random people literally kicked the walls down, we got it put on our credit. But we let our friend move into our new place anyway. Things were okay there but then we moved to Santa Cruz.
We got this tiny little apartment here and somehow we all squeezed into it. Our roommate (we'll call him drunko fom now on) started drinking A LOT more and he would constantly spill beer and shit on our tan carpet without soaking it up, so it eventually turned black in the middle. Seriously. So one day he tells us he's moving out and then leaves like a week later without cleaning ANYTHING and left us to pay $1200 a month by ourselves. So we found a new place but the old landlord kept all the deposit money because of the carpet, the holes in the wall and the bathroom fixtures being pulled down (all by Drunko of course).
So we live apart for awhile until all his roommates bale on him and then we let him move back in with us. Our house was in perfect condition when he moved in. Now there's cigarette burns everywhere, stains all over the carpets and walls, he ripped 3 different window screens, and he smokes in his room (and our lease specifically states that if you smoke in the house the landlord will keep all of your deposit money). And the really great part is, we've all put down over $600 towards the deposit, and he's only put in $50. So when we move out of here, all of our money is kept because he fucked shit up.
So my question to you is, how much is too much? We have to move again and I don't know if I can let him live with us, but I also don't know if I can leave my friend with no place to go. What would you do?
So I have this roommate who is also a good friend from back home. We've lived together for about 3 years now. The problem is he's a very bad alcoholic. He drinks from morning till night, before work, after work, all the time. He has no limits either. Once he's so fucked up that his eyes are rolling back in his head, he can't even talk, he can barely even move, he still finds a way to lift that bottle to his lips and drink more.
The first time he screwed us over was about 2 and a half years ago. We (me, my boyfriend, him, and another guy) lived in a house together. My BF and I couldn't take living with the 2 other guys anymore so we moved out. They never took our names off the lease (after almost a year) and when they got kicked out for having huge parties where a bunch of random people literally kicked the walls down, we got it put on our credit. But we let our friend move into our new place anyway. Things were okay there but then we moved to Santa Cruz.
We got this tiny little apartment here and somehow we all squeezed into it. Our roommate (we'll call him drunko fom now on) started drinking A LOT more and he would constantly spill beer and shit on our tan carpet without soaking it up, so it eventually turned black in the middle. Seriously. So one day he tells us he's moving out and then leaves like a week later without cleaning ANYTHING and left us to pay $1200 a month by ourselves. So we found a new place but the old landlord kept all the deposit money because of the carpet, the holes in the wall and the bathroom fixtures being pulled down (all by Drunko of course).
So we live apart for awhile until all his roommates bale on him and then we let him move back in with us. Our house was in perfect condition when he moved in. Now there's cigarette burns everywhere, stains all over the carpets and walls, he ripped 3 different window screens, and he smokes in his room (and our lease specifically states that if you smoke in the house the landlord will keep all of your deposit money). And the really great part is, we've all put down over $600 towards the deposit, and he's only put in $50. So when we move out of here, all of our money is kept because he fucked shit up.
So my question to you is, how much is too much? We have to move again and I don't know if I can let him live with us, but I also don't know if I can leave my friend with no place to go. What would you do?
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
- fucked your credit
- screwed you out of approximately $3000 with his irresponsibility
This is not a friend. This is a leech. Kick his ass OUT. He doesn't have a place to go? Who cares. By letting him back, you are telling him his behavior is acceptable. Time for the rubber to meet the road.
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Okay...after thinking about it, I realize I may have been a little harsh there. You obviously care about this person, and it sounds like he may have a serious drinking problem. But that's no excuse. A friend just doesn't do these things to another friend. He's got some growing up to do, and that's just not your responsibility. HE has to do it. You have been unbelievably good to him and you can't let him be in a position to do you any more harm.
As your last good deed for him, direct him to this.
[Edited on Jul 18, 2003]
if he really wants to be your friend, and not only take advantage of you, he will stay your friend when you explain to him, that its time for him to help himself.
he has to realize, that he cant go on with his life like that. he is escaping from reality to the point where he cant function anymore.
alcohol will kill a person.
alcoholics anonymous will support a person not to drink.
he has to wanna go there though.
if you're gonna help him sober up, help him.
if not, let him hit rock bottom, but tell him about AA.
sorry, i dont mean to pray, but i've seen it save a lot of peoples life.
good luck