mikako

It's been almost a year, why does it still hurt so much? I should have known better, I left you alone with no one around. I was so creul to you, I don't know why I left I still loved you. I can't beleive I'm crying already. I don't even know if you still live in this town, I have done so much to try to shut everything about you out. I still remember so much though, even the green flecks in you eyes. I just keep thinking about what we had and what we were, I know it can never be like that again. I don't understand, but I still think about you often.I even dream about you some times, just holding me close, hearing your hearts' beat, I just don't understand... I wonder if you saw me if you would even say hi? Or like so many times you would just ignore me like you did whenwe were together? I want to see you so badly, but it would break my heart. Just thinking about it tears me apart. I feel horrible that I hurt you the way I did, I will never beable to appologize enough, god, I would try so hard though. I miss talking to you late, and just sitting at your place and watching the fish for hours, freezing on your patio so we could smoke, sitting on the floor in the kitchen while you made hot and sour soup. Christ, I know I fucked up so badly! I wonder how you are doing? I hope you don't feel like this, I hope you are happy and have a good life now. I should really just try to forget about us, but everytime I see something so many memories come back, and it hurts anew. I am a fool to even be writing this, it was my mistake so it's my loss. I found some of your prints from school you gave to me, I want to give them back, I shouldn't have such a beautiful thing. I half hope you see this and just let me know you are happy and doing well. I just thought you should know.

I still miss you.