Hello sweets, this blog is an outburst of what I have been experiencing these past days.
But before I start...
I would like to comment that this month is very special, today is SG's 19th birthday and tomorrow is mine! 🥳 Yaaaay!
I am silly to know that our birthdays are so close.
I am very grateful and happy to be a part of this. SG was one of the best things that happened to me this year. Happy birthday, SG! I love you all 💕
And let's go...
A month ago, one morning I had one of the worst days of my life. I was very ill and had to be rushed to the hospital. I'm not going to be detail oriented but it was a very difficult day, I thought I was going to die and I was never afraid of death before.
After that day, the others were even more difficult. I got sick again, and again, and again and I didn't know what was happening to me, I just know that I was not doing well, physically and psychologically.
I had to do a lot of tests, the suspicion was some cardiac, emotional or covid problem. I also did two tests of covid, they were negative.
The result of one of the tests I did came out last week, with my heart everything is fine, but not with my emotional. I would say that my emotional is torn. I already have a depressive and anxious state, so it wasn't something new for me that could be something emotional, but I've never felt this bad before.
Today, now, at this moment, I can say that I'm fine but in a minute I can't give you that certainty.
I am still taking care of my health, as I still need to receive a correct diagnosis to be able to treat whatever it is.
Anyway, it was difficult days but I had an improvement, although I still feel sick sometimes and still have some physical symptoms, I'm recovering, I'm not 101% well but I'm better than before and this is something for me.
That’s why I’m here now writing this, I decided to get out of my underworld a little bit and I came out here to connect with the things I don’t want to get away from. Although it was difficult, today I took this photo and wanted to post it here. I put a name for it, which is “Young & Sad” because of a song that I identify with a lot. The song is by Noah Cyrus, I will highlight a part of it that is my favorite:
“Don't wanna be young and sad another day longer
Don't wanna feel numb or mad until I go under
And I know that you only want me to be happy
But I still feel lonely tonight
Don't wanna be young and sad another day longer
Another day longer ”
Being ill made me see things in a different way that now I will not be able to explain, it is as if I had been punched in the face and although it hurt, it made me feel that the last thing I want at that moment is to die.
I hope you are all well, I wanted to ask you to take care of yourself, the current situation for everyone is very delicate, take care of your health (both physical and psychological) and who you love and enjoy every minute you have here, after all, the only certainty we have in this life is that we all receive the same fate in the end.
Yes, I am sensitive, melancholy and poetic.
I want to end this blog with a poem that I wrote, this is something surprising to me, because I don't like to show my poems to anyone, but that's okay, this time I want to.
Dandelion
“A breath and everything goes away overnight
nothing else matters
or does it matter?
I didn't want to see it happen that way
am I confused, going crazy or defective?
this is just a walk
we are flowers dragged along this road
after the blow, the wind blows
where does it lead?
I have no idea
we are dandelion.”
Love,
Mih ♡
@missy @eirenne @rambo
