I POPPED MY HOOKER CHERRY!!
yes, i finally had sex with a straight-up prostitute. you know, its kind of one of those things you dont want to die without being able to say youve done. and, i must say, this was quite a pleasant experience, which may be atypical. she was an absolutely gorgeous 18-year old girl in Shanghai. and it occurred kind of unexpectedly.
it was thursday night, Shanghai time. i was wiling away my last night there in this string of borderline brothels that i frequent when im there. i was buying drinks for about four girls, and one of them my girl was giving me much more than a lapdance: she was giving me a bare skin hand job, letting me feel her boobs and finger her pussy, and we were making out very passionately.
finally, the madam at the place came up and said, when you leave?
tomorrow, i replied.
her: what time?
me: what time does she get off work? referring to my girl (who told me her name, but I forget it now).
her: she can go with you now, but you pay.
me: how much
her: 1,000 RMB
me: okay. (it was about the equivalent of 100 US dollars which is about twice what most of the prostitutes there ask for, but seemed like more than a great deal to me, because this girl was absolutely gorgeous, and man, she is either the greatest actress in the world or she seemed totally into it. her pussy was absolutely gushing. plus, i genuinely liked her. she was cute, and we had similar senses of humor.)
she put on her coat, and we began walking the two blocks to my hotel, the Westin. but first we were going to have to get past the doorman
[FLASHBACK]
a couple of nights before, i was hanging out with some work contacts a really cool british dude named tony, his apprentice allistar, and a german guy named andreas. wed hit about four bars before ending up at the borderline brothels. (i told tony about them it was his first trip to shanghai and he loved them. by the end of his stay, hed ended up closing the places out at 5am every night he was there. Man, that guy was a drinking and whoring champion.) anyway, by the time we got to the place, i was completely fucking hammered, like barely able to stand up. and when im in that condition, a girl being in any way physical with me is like waving a steak in front of a hungry dog i lose all sense of metered approach. so i just remember this girl letting me put my hand on her ass, and that was it - from that moment on i was absolutely mauling her, fondling every part of her body pussy, boobs, everything - unstoppably. then i think i started to feel embarrassed and out of control, so i left, with beer in hand, without saying goodbye. i was staggering instinctively back towards the hotel, when i encountered two prostitutes, who, before i even knew it, had unzipped my pants and were squeezing my dick.
so after some haggling, i agreed to their pricing, but only if services could be performed in the hotel, and not in the alleyway, as they were urging. apparently and this is the point of all this - the hookers were indicating that the westin is currently enforcing a strict 'no hookers' policy. they didnt seem to think that they would be allowed in. but one of them decided to give it the ol college try anyway; so i staggered up to the front doors with a beer in one hand and a hooker around my arm. (haha, thats class. representing the magazine well overseas.) anyway, sure enough, she didnt get in; the doorman shooed her away as we approached, and she huffed off in frustration. i ignored the whole situation and continued staggering on into the lobby. there were only two people in the lobby at that hour - a western man and woman. the look on their faces as I staggered by, beer in hand, was absolutely priceless: such a vivid combination of horror and disgust. haha.
(note of interest: the next morning i was rudely awakeded by the telephone ringing at about 9am. aaaaaahhh! i groaned, and ignored it. then a second later it started ringing again. thinking there might be something wrong, i answered. hello? i moaned. on the other end I heard a girls voice: herro?
hello? i said again.
herro? she repeated..
what the fuck? i muttered, hung up and fell back onto the sheets.
then it started ringing again.
WHAT!!!! I demanded.
remember me from rast night? i was going to come up to your hotel room. jesus christ. it was the hooker. i must have told them my room number as i was babbling the night before.
i can come up to your room now, she said. man, thats perseverance. apparently the no hookers policy wasnt in effect during the day.
um, no. maybe tomorrow, i said, and hung up. i felt like shit. i was so fucking hung over that i felt like if i moved the wrong way, i might upchuck. the last thing i needed was some crazy hooker in my room.)
[BACK TO CHERRY POPPING]
so yes, we were going to have to get past the doorman. when i was originally arranging the deal with the girls madam, i told her about my concerns about getting her in and she said, it will be ok. just tell them you are going to the 39th floor bar for a drink. i figured maybe she had some kickback arrangement with the doormen, and that was some kind of code.
so me and the girl entered the lobby, and sure enough, some guy in a uniform tried to stop us. i said, no no, its ok. im a guest here, and shes with me. were going to the 39th floor for a drink. and the uniformed guy kind of backed off, and i hustled the girl onto the elevator.
i almost thought we were going to make it, but then the uniformed guy came up again and barked something at her in Chinese. just ignore him, i said. but she indicated that she was obligated to do as he said, so we stepped off the elevator. he said something, and she showed him her communist ID, and he took it and marched us over to a registry book on the front desk, where he started jotting down her information. i guess the idea was that they noted suspected hookers, so if they become repeat offenders, they can be run off like the girl the other night. then he demanded that I write my name and room number in this book of shame.
so i go over to the thing, and what do I see paper-clipped to the page? tonys business card. haha. i laughed my ass off, which seemed to confuse both the official and the girl. tony had mentioned that he brought some of the bar girls back to his room the other night.
anyway, with that we had the green light, and headed up to my room. theres really no need to go into the graphic details, but, believe me, it was a slice of heaven.
about three hours later, we went back down to the cash machine in the lobby. i gave her 1,000 rmb, we said goodbye and went our separate ways.
that was it.
*sigh*
******************
so now Im back home in DC for a few hours. got in at 4am and i feel completely fucked. on the long flight from Shanghai to Chicago, i found myself seated next to a really cute girl named Susan who works for Intel she was kind of a sorority type, but not intolerably so. she had kind of a neurotic, obsessive/compulsive personality that gave her some character. and she was hot as hell. anyway, as she was filling out her arrival card a full ten hours before we were supposed to land (which i mocked her for) i noticed she seemed kind of loopy.
i said: you seem kind of loopy. did you take drugs?
she said yes, someone she works with gave her some pills to relax, but she wasnt sure what they were.
i asked if she had any left, and if she would share them with me. she produced a ziplock baggie with two capsules inside. i swallowed them both with my vodka tonic (drinks I was consuming in abundance). man, i dont know what these things were. they must have been in the Valium/Zanex/Ambien-type family of drugs. but whatever they were, they totally knocked me on my ass. suffice it to say that the next ten hours were interesting at times a blur that I can barely remember. i remember babbling at Suzie a lot. i told her i lost my hooker cherry. (to which she said she wouldnt touch me with a ten-foot pole for fear of STDs. i told her we practiced safe sex; which was true.)
at one point, i vaguely remember suzie and i getting up to go to the bathroom, then later i noticed my nose and face were bleeding. Suzie said i had fallen over and smashed my face on a counter in the flight attendants area. (you were at a 45 degree angle, she said.) later, in a semi-conscious state, i vaguely remember grabbing Suzies boob. she pushed me back over into my seat. all things considered, she handled my weirdness pretty well. i gave her my business card and asked her out on a date before we landed. (she was heading back to her town of residence, Phoenix, which is coincidentally where i am flying to tomorrow.) she has yet to capitalize on my offer for a date, however.
so, yes, im still fucked. fatigue, hang over, havent eaten or brushed my teeth or showered in over 24 hours and those frigging drugs theyre still on me. my legs still arent doing exactly what im telling them to do. plus im behind on my deadline, so i will probably be fired.
but at least im not a hooker virgin.
ok, night-night. off to Phoenix
yes, i finally had sex with a straight-up prostitute. you know, its kind of one of those things you dont want to die without being able to say youve done. and, i must say, this was quite a pleasant experience, which may be atypical. she was an absolutely gorgeous 18-year old girl in Shanghai. and it occurred kind of unexpectedly.
it was thursday night, Shanghai time. i was wiling away my last night there in this string of borderline brothels that i frequent when im there. i was buying drinks for about four girls, and one of them my girl was giving me much more than a lapdance: she was giving me a bare skin hand job, letting me feel her boobs and finger her pussy, and we were making out very passionately.
finally, the madam at the place came up and said, when you leave?
tomorrow, i replied.
her: what time?
me: what time does she get off work? referring to my girl (who told me her name, but I forget it now).
her: she can go with you now, but you pay.
me: how much
her: 1,000 RMB
me: okay. (it was about the equivalent of 100 US dollars which is about twice what most of the prostitutes there ask for, but seemed like more than a great deal to me, because this girl was absolutely gorgeous, and man, she is either the greatest actress in the world or she seemed totally into it. her pussy was absolutely gushing. plus, i genuinely liked her. she was cute, and we had similar senses of humor.)
she put on her coat, and we began walking the two blocks to my hotel, the Westin. but first we were going to have to get past the doorman
[FLASHBACK]
a couple of nights before, i was hanging out with some work contacts a really cool british dude named tony, his apprentice allistar, and a german guy named andreas. wed hit about four bars before ending up at the borderline brothels. (i told tony about them it was his first trip to shanghai and he loved them. by the end of his stay, hed ended up closing the places out at 5am every night he was there. Man, that guy was a drinking and whoring champion.) anyway, by the time we got to the place, i was completely fucking hammered, like barely able to stand up. and when im in that condition, a girl being in any way physical with me is like waving a steak in front of a hungry dog i lose all sense of metered approach. so i just remember this girl letting me put my hand on her ass, and that was it - from that moment on i was absolutely mauling her, fondling every part of her body pussy, boobs, everything - unstoppably. then i think i started to feel embarrassed and out of control, so i left, with beer in hand, without saying goodbye. i was staggering instinctively back towards the hotel, when i encountered two prostitutes, who, before i even knew it, had unzipped my pants and were squeezing my dick.
so after some haggling, i agreed to their pricing, but only if services could be performed in the hotel, and not in the alleyway, as they were urging. apparently and this is the point of all this - the hookers were indicating that the westin is currently enforcing a strict 'no hookers' policy. they didnt seem to think that they would be allowed in. but one of them decided to give it the ol college try anyway; so i staggered up to the front doors with a beer in one hand and a hooker around my arm. (haha, thats class. representing the magazine well overseas.) anyway, sure enough, she didnt get in; the doorman shooed her away as we approached, and she huffed off in frustration. i ignored the whole situation and continued staggering on into the lobby. there were only two people in the lobby at that hour - a western man and woman. the look on their faces as I staggered by, beer in hand, was absolutely priceless: such a vivid combination of horror and disgust. haha.
(note of interest: the next morning i was rudely awakeded by the telephone ringing at about 9am. aaaaaahhh! i groaned, and ignored it. then a second later it started ringing again. thinking there might be something wrong, i answered. hello? i moaned. on the other end I heard a girls voice: herro?
hello? i said again.
herro? she repeated..
what the fuck? i muttered, hung up and fell back onto the sheets.
then it started ringing again.
WHAT!!!! I demanded.
remember me from rast night? i was going to come up to your hotel room. jesus christ. it was the hooker. i must have told them my room number as i was babbling the night before.
i can come up to your room now, she said. man, thats perseverance. apparently the no hookers policy wasnt in effect during the day.
um, no. maybe tomorrow, i said, and hung up. i felt like shit. i was so fucking hung over that i felt like if i moved the wrong way, i might upchuck. the last thing i needed was some crazy hooker in my room.)
[BACK TO CHERRY POPPING]
so yes, we were going to have to get past the doorman. when i was originally arranging the deal with the girls madam, i told her about my concerns about getting her in and she said, it will be ok. just tell them you are going to the 39th floor bar for a drink. i figured maybe she had some kickback arrangement with the doormen, and that was some kind of code.
so me and the girl entered the lobby, and sure enough, some guy in a uniform tried to stop us. i said, no no, its ok. im a guest here, and shes with me. were going to the 39th floor for a drink. and the uniformed guy kind of backed off, and i hustled the girl onto the elevator.
i almost thought we were going to make it, but then the uniformed guy came up again and barked something at her in Chinese. just ignore him, i said. but she indicated that she was obligated to do as he said, so we stepped off the elevator. he said something, and she showed him her communist ID, and he took it and marched us over to a registry book on the front desk, where he started jotting down her information. i guess the idea was that they noted suspected hookers, so if they become repeat offenders, they can be run off like the girl the other night. then he demanded that I write my name and room number in this book of shame.
so i go over to the thing, and what do I see paper-clipped to the page? tonys business card. haha. i laughed my ass off, which seemed to confuse both the official and the girl. tony had mentioned that he brought some of the bar girls back to his room the other night.
anyway, with that we had the green light, and headed up to my room. theres really no need to go into the graphic details, but, believe me, it was a slice of heaven.
about three hours later, we went back down to the cash machine in the lobby. i gave her 1,000 rmb, we said goodbye and went our separate ways.
that was it.
*sigh*
******************
so now Im back home in DC for a few hours. got in at 4am and i feel completely fucked. on the long flight from Shanghai to Chicago, i found myself seated next to a really cute girl named Susan who works for Intel she was kind of a sorority type, but not intolerably so. she had kind of a neurotic, obsessive/compulsive personality that gave her some character. and she was hot as hell. anyway, as she was filling out her arrival card a full ten hours before we were supposed to land (which i mocked her for) i noticed she seemed kind of loopy.
i said: you seem kind of loopy. did you take drugs?
she said yes, someone she works with gave her some pills to relax, but she wasnt sure what they were.
i asked if she had any left, and if she would share them with me. she produced a ziplock baggie with two capsules inside. i swallowed them both with my vodka tonic (drinks I was consuming in abundance). man, i dont know what these things were. they must have been in the Valium/Zanex/Ambien-type family of drugs. but whatever they were, they totally knocked me on my ass. suffice it to say that the next ten hours were interesting at times a blur that I can barely remember. i remember babbling at Suzie a lot. i told her i lost my hooker cherry. (to which she said she wouldnt touch me with a ten-foot pole for fear of STDs. i told her we practiced safe sex; which was true.)
at one point, i vaguely remember suzie and i getting up to go to the bathroom, then later i noticed my nose and face were bleeding. Suzie said i had fallen over and smashed my face on a counter in the flight attendants area. (you were at a 45 degree angle, she said.) later, in a semi-conscious state, i vaguely remember grabbing Suzies boob. she pushed me back over into my seat. all things considered, she handled my weirdness pretty well. i gave her my business card and asked her out on a date before we landed. (she was heading back to her town of residence, Phoenix, which is coincidentally where i am flying to tomorrow.) she has yet to capitalize on my offer for a date, however.
so, yes, im still fucked. fatigue, hang over, havent eaten or brushed my teeth or showered in over 24 hours and those frigging drugs theyre still on me. my legs still arent doing exactly what im telling them to do. plus im behind on my deadline, so i will probably be fired.
but at least im not a hooker virgin.
ok, night-night. off to Phoenix
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
I too am still fucked.