Why do i try when i know it is useless. Why do i keep on when i know what the outcome will be. What do i do now? How am i supposed to deal with it all? The only thing i know is to turn up my collar and welcome the unknown, to put my head down and drive on. I'm so tired of pretending everything is alright and that i don't mind being used. I'm tired of ignoring the truth of what happened and what is going on right now. Its stares me in the face everyday and i pretend its not there. Why? Is it because of the possiblity? Do i think there is a chance to overcome this? ..... NO there is no possibility or chance in hell of a solution to this nightmare. I do it because i care, no other reason. There has never been another reason. Since the time i started counting down the days, i knew what the outcome was going to be. No matter how many lies i heard, how many times i was reassured everything would be alright, i knew the truth. Foresight is a curse. Seeing the inevitable and not being able to do anything but accept it is a hell i can't explain. But i endure because i care.
Or maybe....i just like to put myself through pain, maybe i'm just addicted to it. bah , screw this i'm gonna go watch the simpsons
Or maybe....i just like to put myself through pain, maybe i'm just addicted to it. bah , screw this i'm gonna go watch the simpsons
pumpkin:
No, no, don't you try and get away with it, I know you would like a good spanking... And well, reading your profile and journal entry, I'm pretty sure that's what you want.