michaelsaloha

I have love in my life no doubt. I am close with my folks and live nearby, I love my sons and talk with them often, and then the times they are with me are fantastic... I am about to get us into go-carts for this coming summer, sweet! Good times. I can't wait to see their face when they pull up in June and see two killer carts for each of them. I do not have "really" close friends but there is a love in friendship even, and I have that too at times. For positive I love me, I love the way I am and the things I value and its all very nice but...

Why doesn't all that seem to fill the space where the companionship of a woman goes? I have chosen to live in solitude for awhile and pull myself together before repeating mistakes... right?... but damn, enough already. I am so tired of jacking off and watching porn I don't even care. It has been such a long time since I had the company of a woman... not just sex, that too, but even longer since I really enjoyed the company of a woman that I was into and she digs me too with all the horsin' around and gigglin' stuff. (sometimes what hits me the most is when I feel stupid wanting to do something but thinking "damn this is really the kind of thing I would enjoy way better with a woman). Its frustrating because I'm feeling more and more detached from everything having anything to do with women and whatever goes with that.

This bothers me a little because it creates conflict inside between the part of me that is enjoying the solitude and the break from women and relationships blah, blah, blah, and that part of me that is missing it and afraid that I've pulled too far out of the game...