mia

I am completely frustrated. I can feel it inside like its eating my heart slowly. The vomiting feeling creeps up and then subsides with each painful breath. Have I become worthless? The tears well up with no real reason other than embarrassment for my disgusting state.
Yesterday, you looked at me with normal eyes and mouth. My hair was combed. I showered and I could stand. Today, you look at me with red, swollen eyes and drooping mouth, quivering as I speak. I look like last night because I dont remember waking up. I feel like I havent stood up in so long that my legs have become stems. My neck is hurting, every muscle is tense. I fear the looks of everyone. I can feel people staring, waiting for me to say something. Nothing will come out today. My palms sweat with anticipation of yesterday. In my thought-drunk state, I cant even remember where I was all day. I know I was here. I cant believe I went anywhere.
Its time to stay inside. I cant face anyone anymore. Why should I go to work? Why should I talk to anyone? I will find a comfortable corner, something interesting to stare at, and stay there for hours. I found a few spots on the ceiling in my room. They are shaped like things I can recognize. I found an elephant, a gnome and a giraffe. I stare at them forever, knowing it never moves, imagining the facial expressions.
I am sweating more than usual. I am in pain. I am becoming more useless to anyone, especially myself, everyday.