well, i'm happy to say that i'm in a very different place from the last time i posted. not just geographically, but the inner me as well. i have found a peaceful daily rhythm. well, i dunno about peaceful. but it certainly is meaningful.
i'm in Annapolis. i have been since the beginning of June. my mum has cancer and so i'm here to help take care of her and keep her company in what, frankly, are probably her dying days.
every day i bike downtown to a coffee shop called the Hard Bean. every day i bike down there and i order the iced tea of the day to cool down my sweaty biker body. it's not a long ride by any means, but the heat and the humidity, plus my natural competitiveness (i race EVERY car on the road!
) fuel a fire and it wrings the water right outta me.
so i drink my iced tea, and i cool down, and i spend 8 hours reading and studying for the bar exam. i pore over the pages, underlining and re-reading, testing and re-testing, then reading more, or skimming what i previously underlined. i do this methodically, and in the rhythm of people.
in the rhythm of people means that i don't strain to concentrate. i study patiently, allowing my eyes and imagination to wander up the legs of a beautiful blonde, into the eyes of a grey-eyed sailor, and all too often, jumping from mast to mast in the harbour. and there are my books again. i pick up where i left off. i read. i absorb. or i miss the point and i read it again. if i miss too often, i'll star it for later, or i'll enjoy some brunette's backside and after absorbing that i'll return to my dense discussions of mortgages and third-party beneficiaries and secured transactions.
so i do this every day, submersing my head into the thickest clouds of law, breathing it in, and then coming up for fresh air when i think the regimen might actually choke me. 8 hours. i sit. and is tudy. and i watch people. and that has brought some rhythm and meaning into my life.
i needed that rhythm and meaning. there's no one out here that i know. the people i do know in this vicinity are in DC, and they're either studying for thebar also, or they are working their asses off at a law firm. so if i did not have this exam and regimen to which i might devote myself, i would have nothing to do but allow my idle mind to torment itself. or, i suppose, to watch my mother waste away.
i have to thank God for giving me the blessing to have developed this capacity of mine, this legal mind. suchs blessings include my natural skills and talents, my motivation, the people who have inspired me, and the people who have aided me. and of course, the people who have supported me
there used to be a time i wasn't sure if i wanted to be a lawyer. how could i possibly fit into a world of suits and privilege, of stodgy members of society and ivory tower douchebags? i'm not worried abotu that anymore. i chose this profession to make a difference. i just have to become comfortable with the fact that i will have to effect that difference by BEING different. i guess for once i will have to fully & completely without reservation become comfortable with being who i am - just a little someone different.
i hope everything is well with you people. if any of you do any traveling out in this direction, lemme know. i guess this is "ciao for now". take care y'all, and remember: "be good, and have fun".
rokknroll...
i'm in Annapolis. i have been since the beginning of June. my mum has cancer and so i'm here to help take care of her and keep her company in what, frankly, are probably her dying days.
every day i bike downtown to a coffee shop called the Hard Bean. every day i bike down there and i order the iced tea of the day to cool down my sweaty biker body. it's not a long ride by any means, but the heat and the humidity, plus my natural competitiveness (i race EVERY car on the road!
) fuel a fire and it wrings the water right outta me.
so i drink my iced tea, and i cool down, and i spend 8 hours reading and studying for the bar exam. i pore over the pages, underlining and re-reading, testing and re-testing, then reading more, or skimming what i previously underlined. i do this methodically, and in the rhythm of people.
in the rhythm of people means that i don't strain to concentrate. i study patiently, allowing my eyes and imagination to wander up the legs of a beautiful blonde, into the eyes of a grey-eyed sailor, and all too often, jumping from mast to mast in the harbour. and there are my books again. i pick up where i left off. i read. i absorb. or i miss the point and i read it again. if i miss too often, i'll star it for later, or i'll enjoy some brunette's backside and after absorbing that i'll return to my dense discussions of mortgages and third-party beneficiaries and secured transactions.
so i do this every day, submersing my head into the thickest clouds of law, breathing it in, and then coming up for fresh air when i think the regimen might actually choke me. 8 hours. i sit. and is tudy. and i watch people. and that has brought some rhythm and meaning into my life.
i needed that rhythm and meaning. there's no one out here that i know. the people i do know in this vicinity are in DC, and they're either studying for thebar also, or they are working their asses off at a law firm. so if i did not have this exam and regimen to which i might devote myself, i would have nothing to do but allow my idle mind to torment itself. or, i suppose, to watch my mother waste away.
i have to thank God for giving me the blessing to have developed this capacity of mine, this legal mind. suchs blessings include my natural skills and talents, my motivation, the people who have inspired me, and the people who have aided me. and of course, the people who have supported me
there used to be a time i wasn't sure if i wanted to be a lawyer. how could i possibly fit into a world of suits and privilege, of stodgy members of society and ivory tower douchebags? i'm not worried abotu that anymore. i chose this profession to make a difference. i just have to become comfortable with the fact that i will have to effect that difference by BEING different. i guess for once i will have to fully & completely without reservation become comfortable with being who i am - just a little someone different.
i hope everything is well with you people. if any of you do any traveling out in this direction, lemme know. i guess this is "ciao for now". take care y'all, and remember: "be good, and have fun".
rokknroll...
rin:
while it's awful that your mother is wasting away, it's good that you are able to devote yourself to your studies. i can't even imagine myself in your position, both family-wise and knowing/utilising natural talents.